Womanly Wednesday: A Guest Post On Anxiety And Depression

I “met” Amanda through the Blog Passion Project a few months ago and have loved following along with her story and her blog since then. She writes beautifully about her life in college and what it looks like to find fullness and joy in the midst of school, work, and life.  I’m so glad to have her story of how she’s wrestled with anxiety and depression on the blog today and hope you enjoy reading it as much as I did!

My whole life I have always heard others say that college is the most fun they have ever had, from traveling to making tons of friends. Hearing this, I idolized what college would be like for me and counted down the days until my parents dropped me off at my college dorm. I yearned for independence. For exploration. The newness was just so exciting!

And what did I do when my parents drove away?   I cried… for about two minutes.

The Fall semester of my Freshman year was without a doubt the most fun I had so far in my 18 years of life. From parties to making new friends, it was a blast. My roommate and I got along so perfectly and pretty much did everything together since we also in the same had the same Biomedical Engineering major.

At the beginning of the Spring semester, after the return of my month-long vacation at home, I felt different. With classes picking up again (and seemed to be insanely harder than the prior semester), I no longer felt the urge to go out, or hangout with anyone at all. I found myself only getting excited for the weekends, because they meant that I was able to go home.

I had no idea what was up with me. My home became my safe haven and I would cry endlessly on Sundays because I didn’t want to go back. For what reason, I hadn’t a clue.

The week before Valentine’s Day, I had made plans with one of my other friends who lived across the hall. Since neither of us had boyfriends, we thought it would be fun to go out to eat and see a movie just the two of us. Because I was feeling so down in the dumps, my mom had managed to squeeze me into my doctor last minute. And unfortunately, the appointment was set for the day that I had plans with my friend

When I told her about the change of plans, she freaked. Even though I had been expressing how I was feeling, she turned it all on herself and how lonely she would be. She would not even accept my attempt at rescheduling for the next weekend. Pulling our two other friends into this drama, she tried to turn them against me. When they were able to see my side, she hated me even more. In my fragile state, all the harsh and terrible things she had said to me, just stung even more. Wasn’t a friend supposed to be supportive? Shouldn’t she be able to empathize?

When I visited my doctor and told her about how I was feeling, she prescribed me a medicine for my depression and anxiety. I had no Idea that I could have depression. I didn’t feel like the people they show in those commercials on tv. I then came to realize that depression and anxiety come in so many different forms and everyone experiences something different.

After speaking with a therapist, I quickly learned that school was the trigger for my depression and anxiety attacks (read more about that in this post). I was able to handle homework and minor projects, but when it came to taking a test, it was a whole different story. We don’t even need paint a picture about how I felt during the period when we were supposed to have a test returned. Engineering is an extremely hard major and when I tack on the fact that it is one of the sole causes for my anxiety I sometimes resent my major choice.

I also believe that schools are so competitive, which results in added pressure and expectations on the students. Oftentimes, there are hundreds of students competing for just ten spots. So, in order to get that spot, what must one do?

It is so easy to give in or give up. I am on medicine and see a therapist regularly, but there are still days when I could easily spend the entire day in my bed crying. And although crying is a release that makes me feel better in the moment, nothing is truly getting resolved. During this time, it is easy to feel as if we are completely alone and that no one else could possibly understand. Truth is, there are so many people out there that struggle with the same issues I do.

I wanted to share this personal story to enlighten everyone that we all struggle with a deeper personal issue, no matter what we portray on the outside. So let’s use this opportunity to begin supporting each other instead of judging and bringing each other down.

Amanda is a twenty-something who blogs at Blissful Gal, a lifestyle blog that aims to inspire readers to live happier and healthier lives. You can find more of her throughout the internet on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and Pinterest.