Before I shared my story of depression and counseling on Wednesday, I was a little nervous and praying some big prayers. I have gotten so much encouragement, wisdom, and hope from reading the stories and blogs of other people, but sharing my own story required a vulnerability that excited and scared me. I was hoping that sharing my story would encourage you all the way other blogs have encouraged me, and praying that maybe my taking a risk and admitting that life can be pretty stinking hard would make you feel free to do the same. And holy moly, folks, you blew me away.
Thank you to all of you who messaged me, texted me, or liked/commented/shared the post. I am so inspired by all of you whose messages of “Me too!” reminded me that to struggle and doubt and fear is something we all share, and there is absolutely no shame in that. Thanks to all of you who joined my email list to be part of the blog family, to be my people, to be the ones who receive the first post updates and are part of the Sobremesa Stories inner circle (Want to join and be a part of that family? Click HERE. #shamelessplug).
I hope that my words encouraged you and empowered you to share your hurt, your shame, and your fear with someone who loves you or with a counselor. Over the next few months, I am excited to write more posts unpacking the things I’m learning about shame, hope, marriage, and all the ways God is showing me that my longing for more is a gift, and not a curse. I hope you’ll continue to join me around the table, to listen to my stories and share yours so we can laugh, cry, and grow together.
For now, I’ll leave you with a prayer I’ve been praying these last few weeks. I’ve found that when my heart hurts and the words won’t come, one of the best ways for me to pray is to choose a Psalm and rewrite it in my own words. Writing Wednesday’s post was a sweet reminder of how God has pursued me, rescued me, called me by name, and given me hope. I am grateful to be rescued, to be healed, and to be surrounded by people who help me to sing the new song God has given me: I am chosen, I am loved, I am worth fighting for.
PSALM 40:1-3
Lord, I waited and waited in the darkness and the hurt and the sadness. I called to you, I railed against you, I did everything I could to control and change my situation to make myself feel full, joyful, and loved.
And God, in the midst of all my striving, fear, and shame, you leaned in. You didn’t back away or get overwhelmed. You leaned in to my hurt and my shame. You reached for my hand and drew me up from the depths of my shame and sadness and fear. You called me by name and set my feet on solid ground. You made my steps and the path forward secure and safe. Lord, you took away my refrain of “failure, too much, not good enough,” and replaced it with your song, with the repetition of your truths that I am loved, chosen, blessed, cherished, delighted in.
Jesus, may I sing that song always. May I always sing over myself the truths that I am known, loved, and redeemed. When others look at me, may they see and know You, may they long to trust in You and be rescued by you as well. May they see you and your redemption story in me and my song. I love you, I need you, and I am so grateful to be your beloved one.
Happy Friday, friends. I can’t wait to keep sharing life and stories with you in the months to come.
