When Jordan and I found out we were pregnant this summer, it felt completely surreal (You can read more about the journey here!). I took the positive pregnancy test at 4:00 AM before we headed to the airport for a 10 day trip to Mexico and California, so the whole thing felt like a blur. I wanted to be excited about the pregnancy and all the possibilities within it, but more than anything, I just felt fear.
I feared that the THREE positive pregnancy tests I took were somehow a mistake, that I’d somehow made it all up and the doctor would tell us we were wrong. I feared that there was something wrong with the baby and it wouldn’t implant correctly or grow correctly or do just about anything the way it was supposed to. I was scared my body would somehow not be able to grow and carry this way the way it was designed to and the baby wouldn’t make it. Even though I’m young, healthy, and have no previous miscarriages or medical issues that would make my pregnancy particularly high risk, I worried that something would go wrong.
There was joy and excitement and dreaming about our little one, but more than anything, I was so, so afraid.
