Today’s post is by my friend Jessica, a sweet mama whose heart to love on her daughters and everyone she meets is beautiful. She shared about her journey with her youngest daughter in a Womanly Wednesday post a few months back, so make sure to check that out if you love her as much as I do and want to hear more!
I’ve been thinking a lot about legacies lately. A few weeks back, my large, loud, and absolutely wonderful family lost a member when my Uncle Pete passed away. In the days that followed, I couldn’t stop thinking about the legacy that my grandparents left behind. My dad’s parents both died young leaving 8 children and several grandchildren.
Over the years, those numbers have grown to a group of over 70 when we include spouses. Typically, after losing parents, it seems like siblings end up kind of drifting apart. In the instance of my family though, it seems to have brought them even closer together and it all boils down to the legacy of love that my grandparents left behind.
While thinking about legacies, I began wondering what I want my legacy as a parent to be. Not only do I want it to be one of love, but also of joy. I want my children, and hopefully grandchildren, to someday look back on memories of me with nothing but smiles on their faces and love in their heart. So here is an open letter to them with a recipe for a life filled with joy.
Dear girls,
I love you desperately. Here are some life instructions that I think you should follow. No pressure.
1) Be willing to laugh. Be willing to laugh at yourself, at life circumstances, and with others. I don’t mean a light giggle once every now and then. I mean the big, uncontrollably belly laughs that erupt and cause your abs to hurt because you couldn’t stop. Laugh so hard you snort. Laugh so hard you think you might pee your pants. Laugh at yourself when you trip, or when you make a mistake. Surround yourself with people who make you laugh. One of my favorite things about your father and I’s relationship is that when we start to argue, the argument typically ends up in laughter. Marry someone like that.
2) Be your own biggest fan. I spent entirely too much time in my life seeking approval from others. I sought it from my parents when I was younger, and then from friends and boyfriends as I got older. I needed that validation something desperately and was always looking for someone to love me. I fed off of it and despaired if I didn’t have it. Learn to celebrate yourself. I love to tell you that I’m proud of you, but I ask you guys often if you are proud of yourselves. Give yourself compliments. Find things about yourselves that you love and play to those advantages. Recognize that perfect bodies are a myth. That girl that you think has it all together doesn’t. She criticizes herself too.
3) Be someone who loves others well. This isn’t romantic love. This is the kind of love that supports people, encourages people, and seeks out the lonely. When you see people who are alone, be bold enough to talk to them. If you see someone who needs your help, offer it. Hold doors for people. Say thank you. Compliment strangers. Smile easily. Offer your help before someone can even ask. Let go of the judgements and realize that most people you meet are just doing the best that they can. Don’t ask me how it happens, but the more love you spread to others, the more love you feel yourself. Then again, go ahead and ask me, because it’s all Jesus.
4) Be the author of your own story. Stop listening to all of the things that people are telling you that you should be doing and seek out things that you are passionate about. I am 32 years old right now. For approximately the first 26 years of my life, I was so worried about doing things the right way and following the right path, that I missed many opportunities that would have brought me immense joy. You are the heroine of your story. There has never been anyone on Earth like you before, so no one truly knows what is best for you but you. If you are passionate about being a nurse, I will back you. If you want to join the military, no one will be more proud. If you think you are supposed to be a Broadway star, I will be your biggest fan in the audience. Find your passions and live them. At the end of your life, make sure your story is one that you would love to go back and read again.
5) Care about the stories of others. I describe myself as nosy on a regular basis. I don’t look at this in a negative way at all. I care about the stories others are living and want to know more. Be bold enough to ask some tough questions, don’t just ask the easy surface questions. If you ask someone how they are doing, and their reply is, “Oh, ok.” There is probably something affecting them. Care enough to ask. There are endless lessons to learn if you take the time to listen to another person’s journey.
6) Have a sense of wanderlust. Travel. Everywhere. All around the world. Be willing to relocate. Home doesn’t exist inside of four walls. Home is a feeling that you carry with you. Every place that you visit will make its mark on you. Learn about different cultures. Care to know what makes a country or group of people different than you. Desire to see those places that you have only read about in a book. When you hear people make ridiculous statements about other countries, or cultures, it tends to be from a place of fear because they do not know enough about them. Take the time to learn.
7) Find your tribe. As I said in the beginning of this letter, I love you desperately and hope I can be the type of mom that you need at the times that you need me. However, I do understand that sometimes family isn’t always blood, but a family you choose. Surround yourself with people who make you better. People who aren’t just yes men or women. You need people in your life that you can be vulnerable with, but the people also need to be able to speak truth in your life and let you know that you are being a jerk when you’re being a jerk. Surround yourself with people that see how great you are, because you are incredibly wonderful.
The only thing I can say with 100% certainty that I have wanted to be my whole life was a mom. Throughout different moments I wanted to be a lawyer, or a political speechwriter, or a history teacher. I am doing none of those things as a career, but am incredibly happy and fulfilled doing what I do. The desire to be a mom was a constant for me though, and I am so happy that I have the two of you.
I hope that I get to spend the rest of my days filling you up with all of the wisdom that I possess. My goal is that you too will be able to name all of the Presidents and First Ladies of the United States in order, recite the Emancipation Proclamation, and be able to name all of the major players in the War of the Roses. However, my wish for you is that you seek joy every day of your lives and in everything that you do. If you do that, I think my legacy will be one of great love. I’m not giving up on the history lessons though.
Aww! I love this! (And it would make a great addition to the Open Letters Link-up I’m hosting may 26! 🙂 ).
Julie Hood recently posted…Aiden // 3-ish months