Sobremesa Stories

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Five Things We’re Saying No To This Holiday Season

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Like I’ve shared about many times on this blog, I am a perfectionist to my core.  I want to be perfect, do perfect, and be viewed as perfect in just about everything (you too?).  Christmas is no exception.  Since our first Christmas as a married couple, I’ve had to let go of some expectations about what Christmas “should” be like and embrace how it actually is, in all its sometimes magic-less, normal reality.

This year, we are saying no to lots of things in our attempt to choose our family and our hearts over busyness and people-pleasing (you can read more about how we’re overcoming busyness and learning to say no in this post).  And in this crazy season of parties, expectations, and lots and lots of “shoulds,” we’re saying no to the things I’m listing here.

If you feel overwhelmed and stressed by the holiday season, you're not alone. Check out this list of things to say NO to and reduce that stress and overwhelm!

1) Picture-perfect, expensive decorations

I love decorating for the holidays and find a lot of joy in letting my creativity fill our home with beautiful vignettes and fun touches of holiday coziness.  But that does NOT mean we’re spending tons of money we don’t have on Christmas decorations.  I used a lot of things we already had around our house, along with some fun crafts made of paper and other cheap supplies, to add some Christmas touches to our house without breaking the bank (I shared more about my six tips for cheap decorating in this post!).  It’s not perfect, but it’s simple, beautiful, and makes our house feel like home.  I’d say that’s good enough for us.

Beautiful Christmas home tour with neutrals, vintage touches, and pops of red and green! So many pretty and easy ideas!

2) Pressure to create lasting, meaningful traditions

When we first got married, I felt like we had to immediately find the perfect traditions we would do every single year for the rest of our lives EVER.  And if we didn’t? Well then we were just failing at this whole being cute and married thing.  Since this is our fifth Christmas together, we’re learning to let some things go and let traditions arise naturally.  Some little things like this sock monkey on the top of our tree are fun traditions that bring us joy and make us laugh.  But other things, like buying specific ornaments, pajamas, etc, we just haven’t gotten into yet.  And you know what? That’s okay.  Our Christmas will still be meaningful and beautiful, even if we don’t have the perfect traditions.

Beautiful Christmas home tour with neutrals, vintage touches, and pops of red and green! So many pretty and easy ideas!

3) Finding the “perfect” gift for each other

I’m going to be honest here: giving gifts is NOT my love language.  In fact, having to find a gift for someone is an easy way to send me into panic mode.  After a few years where my weird expectations struggles led to tears and arguments (I take full blame for this one, guys), we’re letting ourselves take off the pressure with gift giving and instead helping each other choose something meaningful that we wanted and otherwise might not spend lots of money on.  My present was this beautiful sign from House of Belonging for our little boy’s nursery and Jordan’s present is some yet to be determined item (because SOMEONE can’t make up his mind).  We didn’t go all out and surprise each other with gifts because gifts aren’t a big part of the way we love each other, and that’s okay (letters on the other hand are absolutely my love language…I’ll take a letter any day!).

Guy Behind The Blog Reading Letters

Letters are my favorite present in the whole world. Actual gifts are overrated, right?

4) Putting up Christmas lights

Oh gosh…this one makes me panic even more than the thought of giving gifts.  We just bought our house this year and are still figuring out all the many things that go into managing it.  Getting lights set up on the two stories in front would either be very dangerous or very expensive, so we are just deciding to forgo it this year with all the craziness of preparing for baby.  Our neighborhood will survive, we will survive, and our house still has plenty of Christmas cheer.

5) Expectations that Christmas be deeply spiritual and life-changing

Yes, we are absolutely having real conversations where we dream about what God will do in this new year and reflect on who He is.  Like I shared in my post yesterday, we are talking about the ways that pregnancy and starting a family opens our eyes to new elements of the Christmas season.  But sometimes, my expectations that we have amazing, life-changing conversations about every single thing make it hard for us to have those real conversations at all.  Some years (and in some seasons) our marriage seems full of deep, reflective conversations.  Others, we’re more focused on spending joyful time with family and with each other.  It’s okay to not always have the perfect conversations and instead focus on being grateful for where God has us, knowing that all things, both good and bad, come in seasons.

What We're Saying No To This Holiday Season Instagram Tree

Feet up, blanket on, puppy close by. I’ll take this any day!

The holidays are such a sweet time to be with the people we love and slow down to take a break from the craziness of life.  Whatever way you choose to celebrate and whatever things you choose to say yes or no to, I hope you know one thing: there is no right way to celebrate.  There’s only you, your family, the people you love, and the ways that you choose to honor this season that celebrates something so beautiful.

Whether you have a beautifully decorated home full of Christmas goodies and perfectly-smiling children or a messy, all over the place home with broken ornaments and some delicious store-bought cinnamon rolls, you are doing this whole thing RIGHT.

Let’s say NO to some things so we can say YES to the best things.  Amen?

What Christmas traditions do you say YES or NO to? Can you relate with any of the ones I mentioned here? 

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Comments

  1. I love the sock monkey on top of the tree! (We use an ornament my husband poked a hole in haha.) And gift-giving is definitely not my love language, either. I’m not creative when it comes to gifts for my spouse, and I don’t care about what I get! Haha
    Julie Hood recently posted…diy wooden christmas signMy Profile

  2. I’ve found that traditions just sort of happen on their own. It’s much better that way than forcing them. And we are absolutely skipping the outside Christmas lights, too! There’s enough going on, and we don’t need to worry about having a “Christmas Vacation” situation going on up on our roof. 🙂
    Samantha recently posted…Flying MimosasMy Profile

  4. I think this is a great list, and all totally ok things! It’s time to focus on the important stuff, and if you’ve just moved into your place, it’s hard to focus on doing even more. Love that you’re just enjoying the season as it comes instead of stressing about all of the things you feel like you “should” be doing!
    Jenn recently posted…Christmas in NumbersMy Profile

  6. I love this post because it is so true. When I got married and we spent our first Christmas together, I too felt like we should be starting to make the traditions we would do every year forever THEN. You are so right, it doesn’t need to be like that and things will come about as life goes on. Thanks so much for sharing!
    Hannah recently posted…Holiday Gift Guide: The Impossible OneMy Profile

  7. Your home and decorations are absolutely picture perfect to me! I love your thoughts here – it definitely makes sense to do what works for each family! I have to say “no” to a “perfect home and decor” with our two little boys – it’s either a uphill battle all the time and using the word “no” way more than I enjoy or I let go of the perfection and we have a space that is more comfortable and that works for us. 🙂
    Erin recently posted…Ways to Get into the Holiday Spirit as a FamilyMy Profile

  9. I hear you, girl … I’m saying ‘no’ alot these days and am grateful for that still quiet Voice that tells us what to say ‘yes’ to … wholeheartedly.

    He’s whispering peace, peace in the midst of the frantic noise. I love it …
    Linda Stoll recently posted…A Low-Key ChristmasMy Profile

  10. I always put so much pressure on myself to find the perfect gifts because Josh is so amazing at it. Even this year I’m struggling to come up with the best thing ever for him. I think I should just cave and acknowledge my gifts will never leave him in tears the way his do me…and that’s okay!
    Lauren Jane recently posted…Sexual Abuse for Children and ChristmastimeMy Profile

  11. I love this! Last year, in the midst of my pregnancy and with the five week respiratory sicknesses I managed to get, I said no to Christmas decorations. This year I was all ready to go all out, but I managed to convince myself to keep it to the tree, some lights on the front of the house (only because there was a good Saturday to put them up and I had a coupon) and the mantle. Maybe next year I’ll add to that 😉
    Amberly recently posted…Happy Holidays! See You in 2016!My Profile

  12. I’m with you on gift giving! It was fun getting gifts when we were little, but I honestly don’t enjoy giving OR receiving gifts much. I do like random, thoughtful gifts, but Christmas gifts? Kind of a pain. I dislike clutter in our house, so if somebody wants to buy me something, I want it to be very specific and then I feel like I could have bought it myself. We also have so many nieces and nephews and we don’t like buying for them because it’s stressful to know what 3 and 5 year olds want when you don’t have them! My husband and I never buy gifts for each other because we share the same bank account- if I buy him something, he could have bought it himself. We used to go to the Melting Pot for Christmas, but since we had our courthouse marriage January 24th, we’ve moved our Melting Pot date to that night and now Christmas is spent in Florida with his family and the only thing we do for our anniversary other than that is give each other an anniversary letter! We also have no holiday traditions or decorations. Not one. In the 5 (I think) Christmases we have spent together, we have never put up a tree or decorated. I usually go out of the country for vacation in December and get home right before it (or am gone for it) and then we do Christmas at a family’s house or I end up working, so I’ve never felt the need to decorate. We said we’d decorate next year since it’ll be our first year with a kid, so maybe that’ll start the traditions!
    Liz recently posted…Pre-Baby AmbivalenceMy Profile

    • I think my favorite thing about your story is that you guys were willing to change it every year. At one point the Melting Pot worked (okay it always works because it’s DELICIOUS) but as life changes, you might have to mix things up a bit! That’s something I’m trying to work on and remember…traditions are about people, not doing the exact same perfect thing every year!
      Lauren recently posted…Womanly Wednesday: A Guest Post On Being “Too Skinny”My Profile

  14. Yes, yes, yes to all of these! What a great post Lauren. First of all, your house looks amazing and is so beautifully decorated. I was about to fall into that trap and notion that my house has to be crazy over the top perfectly decorated; last weekend I spent an hour at Hobby Lobby filling my cart with this and that, then debating whether I had enough or if they were “good enough.” After much debate, I realized I love how my house is decorated the way it is and I much rather spend my money on something necessary and important.
    Lindsay recently posted…December Fashion ChallengeMy Profile

  16. I can relate to pretty much all of these. We moved in August and live in a pretty terrible apartment (I’m grateful to have a home, but it’s got a lot of problems, haha!), and I am just not proud of it. I didn’t want to decorate a space I didn’t like (I’m not good at making mountains out of molehills or however the saying goes), but we are focusing on more important things this year. We are focusing on Advent and getting involved with our new church and getting excited for our baby, which is way more important than gifts or decorations, anyway, in my opinion (though I am in LOVE with your house and your adorable decorations). 🙂 Thank you for reminding us that, even when it doesn’t look “picture perfect,” if it works for you, then it works, and that’s all that matters! 🙂
    Maegan Dockery recently posted…Baby D’s Gender RevealMy Profile

    • It really is so hard when you don’t love your space. Have you ever read stuff by the Nester? She talks about loving the space you’re in (even if it is a rental) in such a cool way. You should check her out! Either way, I think the things y’all are choosing to invest in right now are perfect and exactly where your hearts need to be!
      Lauren recently posted…Womanly Wednesday: A Guest Post On Being “Too Skinny”My Profile

  17. Thank you so much for sharing! I totally agree with all of these, but I especially like your “making traditions” point. I agree that creating traditions doesn’t have to be in the first few years of your marriage. Traditions can be developed over time for sure. PS – love your home!
    Topaz & Sapphire recently posted…Amsterdam in DecemberMy Profile

  18. This is great. Christmas is what you make it, and family is the most important thing. I’m glad you are choosing to celebrate in your own way instead of the typical consumer driven fashion. Your Christmas is truer to its real meaning anyway! 🙂
    Amanda Rinehart recently posted…Back to BloggingMy Profile

  22. We just moved to a new country and I only brought favorite decorations and sold the rest. As such buying new ones just isn’t in the budget, so I’ve made due with what we have and next year I’ll slowly start to add pieces. Love this list. I think it’s important to stay true to yourself.
    Angela Tolsma recently posted…Winter ActivitiesMy Profile

  24. I think there is a lot of wisdom in this! I am struggling with feeling like I have let people down this year because I have been working so much after being “just” a SAHM for the last 4 years. But this year’s rushed feeling is teaching me a valuable lesson about needing to really think before I commit to work outside the home (well, from in the home, but you know…) that takes away from my family.
    Branson recently posted…Fa la la la la {10 things that made me happy this week}My Profile

    • Branson, that’s such a huge transition to be making! I’m sure it’s tough to try to balance your own dreams and passions with loving your family well. I hope you guys are able to find some sweet time together in the midst of the rush and craziness!
      Lauren recently posted…Seven Month Pregnancy UpdateMy Profile

  26. This is so encouraging to read… I didn’t realize until Sunday (when we put the tree up and I cried when the lights didn’t work) that I was putting a lot of pressure on myself to create the magical, memorable Christmas’ that my mom did because this is my and my husband’s first Christmas together. But all that was doing was stressing me out and making me cry a whole lot more! When I realized it though, the Lord gave me a lot of grace to laugh about our misfit tree and lack of decorations in our little apartment. This was great to read though, because I love that you said you’re not just saying no to things, but saying no to certain things in order to say YES to the best things.:)

    • You are so not alone in that, Casey! It’s so easy to put pressure on ourselves to make Christmas perfect. I’m so glad you were able to get some good perspective and find grace in the midst of that! I hope you and your husband have a wonderful first Christmas together, even if you don’t have all the perfect traditions 🙂
      Lauren recently posted…Seven Month Pregnancy UpdateMy Profile

  27. I love this! I am the same way (wanting absolutely everything to be perfect) and it can be draining. We decided not to put up a tree this year due to traveling and apparently that is the world’s worst thing according to some people, but its not what about others think which can be difficult to remember sometimes.

    xoxo, Jenny
    Jenny recently posted…Most Popular Posts of 2015My Profile

  28. Oh, Lauren. Our similarities makes me giggle, because we are similar! And to be honest, it feels great to know that someone out there is like me, too. This is our first married Christmas and I have been freaking out because I feel like we haven’t found the perfect tradition to start in our little home for the holiday season. I’ve also felt a little empty because I’m stressing out that we haven’t had these beautiful, deep, reflective conversations about the year we had and the year coming up. I tend to force these conversations and traditions, instead of letting them occur naturally, and I let anxiety take over, instead of letting the holidays bring me God-given joy. Thank you so much for sharing this and reminding me that it’s okay to just chill out!

    • Annie, we have been there SO many times. I put so much pressure on us and our marriage to live up to some crazy standard of what marriage is supposed to be! I give in to that anxiety all the time and it’s so, so hard. You are not alone in that, my friend. We can try our best to chill out and give our husbands a break together 🙂
      Lauren recently posted…Seven Month Pregnancy UpdateMy Profile

    • It can be so hard when you’re in a hard season of life. I’m sorry to hear you’re struggling and hope that you’re finding the time and space to wrestle with the questions, doubts, and fears you do have. I hope the people in your life are giving you the grace and space to do that! Here’s hoping Christmas is filled with all sorts of joy and no pressure for it to be perfect and spiritual. Thanks for reading and leaving such a genuine comment, Ariel!
      Lauren recently posted…Seven Month Pregnancy UpdateMy Profile