Conquering Comparison In The Pre-Motherhood Years And Beyond

Today’s post is by my friend, Hannah of Just Bee.  I’ve gotten to know her a lot these last few months and I love how her deep, encouraging heart shines through in her writing.  Make sure to check out her blog for lots of pretty pictures and wisdom on everything from marriage and relationships to blogging and photography! 

I’ve thought a lot about seasons lately. Perhaps it’s because of all the snow days we’ve been getting here in Minnesota 🙂 but I’ve been struck by the bigger picture lately too – the narrative of life seasons.

Sometimes, we find ourselves caught up in a season that’s just plain busy! We rush from one task to the next, watching a new to-do list materialize as soon as another one is completed! For a lot of people, this craziness is the high school or college season.

But other times, we discover we are in a period of waiting or abiding. And since waiting often comes after a busy season, it can feel downright uncomfortable and foreign! I love the quote by Jess Connolly that a friend of mine shared on Instagram: “There are years for crazy big strides. Graduation, marriage, babies. And there are years for quiet, day-in-day-out stewardship.”

I’ve found myself in busy seasons and quiet seasons these past six years. Something I’ve had to recognize is that we can and should strive to glorify God and abide in Him, regardless of where we are!

What does this have to do with fighting comparison?

Well, everything! You may find at times that you’d like to have someone else’s situation instead of your own! Acknowledging and savoring seasons of life is crucial for finding satisfaction and battling thoughts of comparison.

Chances are, you will never be at the exact same stage of life as your friends or acquaintances. That’s simply how life works! For example, even if you and a friend are both excitedly expecting your first child, your unique personalities and unique life circumstances throw variables into the mix. It is next to impossible to replicate life situations, experiencing the exact same thing as someone else. And that should be okay with us!

In college, my roommates and I would often post favorite quotes or Scripture on our shared bathroom mirror. One of our favorites was: “Comparison is the thief of joy.” Referring to something as a metaphorical “thief” sounds almost dramatic, doesn’t it? But I think that was quite intentional! Comparison does drastically affect us, especially since it steals joy in such a sneaky way!

Why is comparison the thief? It steals from you because as soon as you compare and begin to desire something that you don’t have, you lose your perspective and thankfulness for your own special situation and unique blessings from God.

The type of comparison that has especially affected me lately is the fact that I’m currently in the pre-motherhood season of life, while others are not. (I’ve written on this a bit on my blog.)

While we wait for timing that is God’s (and not just mine 🙂 ), that sneaky joy-thief quietly sidles up to me and whispers discouragements into my ear.

Your life would be so much better if you were a mother right now.

Your current situation is so not desirable.

You’ll find so much more purpose if only you had a child.

Her life is more fulfilling than yours – you should try to replicate it.

You can’t find true happiness in your current season.

And, loudest of all,

Stop trying to trust God in this. Take the reins back from Him! He doesn’t have your best interests at heart.

I’d like to say that these are all hypothetical thoughts I’ve had. But here these lies sit, as real (and nasty) as they could be, and all too prevalent in my thought life.

I’d also like to think that once I am a mother, those thoughts of comparison will subside altogether. Unfortunately, they won’t melt away unless I teach myself new habits now! Comparison is something I’ve seen friends and coworkers deal with, regardless of their life season. It can follow us mercilessly if we let it.

I don’t think there’s shame in recognizing you’re having these thoughts. Sometimes, comparison is a natural inclination or musing that we have before we realize it! However, comparison is dangerous in that it so often naturally slides into feelings of self-pity or bitterness. We must prayerfully shift our thought patterns over time to reflect an attitude of trust and gratitude-in-the-present. That way, when comparison strikes us, we immediately bounce back with deliberate articulations of, “God DOES have my best interests in mind! It IS my job to glorify Him wherever I’m at! He is ALWAYS my thoughtful, protective Shepherd. I CAN trust Him in the big and the little things!”

I’ve realized the great benefits of reflection lately. Good has come from reflecting on and processing every hard time or dry season I’ve struggled through. Sometimes, it helps me to sit back and journal about what I’ve gained from a particularly difficult season, because it helps me realize the importance of every season I’ve been in! For example, my first year of teaching was a rough one. My husband and I lived in Virginia for his summer of army training after that school year, which brought about great opportunities for reflecting. I spent countless hours on a bench outside our army lodging, reading the book “One Thousand Gifts” and journaling about the ways God had strengthened me and seen me through those past 9 months. If we embrace reflection for future action steps, and look trustingly up at our Lord and good Shepherd, then we can gain perspective and joy in the now!

Have I conquered feelings of comparison in my life? If I’m honest, I’m certainly not there yet. There is a lot I’d like to have right now that I don’t. But instead of choosing to wallow in wanting what I don’t have, I’m choosing to look to my Good Shepherd instead of my situation, because He lovingly brought me to the carefully-tended field He selected for me right now.

So, regardless of the season we find ourselves in, whether it’s pre-motherhood, motherhood, or anything else, wecan trust and we can worship. While we may not be able to wrap our minds around it at the moment, we can trust that we are being nurtured and strengthened in this particular pasture, preparing for days to come but savoring daily life with our Shepherd now.