Womanly Wednesday: A Guest Post on Motherhood And Answered Prayers

When I moved to Kansas City three years ago, Jessica was one of the first women I met.  Whether she’s working, leading and pouring into Young Life girls and women like me, or loving on her two sweet girls, her joy, laughter, and passion are contagious.  Jessica is one of those people who makes you feel like you are the most interesting, funny, and wonderful person in the room (and who doesn’t love that?).  It’s been a joy to know her these last few years, and I’m excited to share her Womanly Wednesday post with you today!  

First off, let me tell you guys that writing this post almost tore me up from the inside out. I knew what I wanted to say, but I had an absolutely terrible time trying to say it. You see, I didn’t want to sound ungrateful.

Do you know how sometimes we beg for things, we plead for things, we hit our knees and cry out to God that we need these things, but when we get them we wonder what in the heck we’re going to do now? That is the season I am in. It is challenging and I mean the challenging that makes you want to either rip your hair out or cry, but the challenging that is oh so delicious at the same time. Sometimes I think that after we pray for things that we are so confident will be perfect for us, that in answering our prayers, God likes to show His sense of humor. I think He likes to say, “I know you wanted this, and I want this for you, but I am going to love watching how your answered prayer turns your life upside down.” This has never been truer than in my Charli.

I’ve never known what I wanted to be when I grew up. I had friends who knew they wanted to be teachers, doctors, even social workers for the elderly. I went to college studying history because I knew I loved history, not because I had any idea of what I wanted to do with a history degree afterwards. The only thing I knew for certain was that I wanted to be a mom. I come from a big family filled with lots of chaos, laughter, noise, and so much love that it manifests in more noise and laughter. I wanted to continue that big family desperately.

When I met my husband, he came with the sweetest little four year old angel that you have ever met in your life. Blonde haired, blue eyed, with a smile that just melted your heart, I fell in love with Hailey the second time I met her. Notice I say second time – the first time she had strep throat and behaved so awfully that I almost told Danny adios and hit the road. Luckily I gave it another chance, because I have never seen her like that again! My parents are divorced so I very much had a mentality of marry the man, marry his kid. From day one, I knew Hailey would be mine and I would never introduce her as anything less. We are now 8 and a half years into our relationship and that has never changed. The problem is that as much as I consider Hailey my daughter, and as much as she loves me, she will never call me mom and the cry of my heart has always been to hear a voice calling Mom.

As the years passed, that prayer seemed like it would never happen. I watched friends and family announce they were pregnant and I rejoiced with them. I will admit to terribly ugly thoughts and words at times when people who I judged didn’t need to have any children yet got pregnant and I didn’t. I admit to hours of tears because “life wasn’t fair.” I admit to hitting my knees night after night crying out to God about the injustice of it all. I admit to thinking everything was hopeless after a miscarriage.

Finally in December of 2012, my prayers were answered. I was pregnant. On August 1^st, 2013 at four minutes after midnight, my baby girl was here. Charlotte Josephine Shaver had all 10 fingers, all 10 toes, and strongly resembled a sumo wrestler. I was absolutely in love. As months passed, I couldn’t believe how God had blessed us with the easiest child in the world. I haven’t had less than 7 hours of sleep by choice since she was 7 weeks old. Charli was one of the happiest babies I have ever seen. I was so smitten and just sure that I had this mother of two thing down.

Oh my goodness how could I have been so wrong? How could I have missed that even as a small baby, she never quit moving? She rolled over for the first time at two weeks old. How did I miss her strong willed personality even then?

The first year of Charli’s life was a piece of cake. The second year of Charli’s life has strongly resembled a gooseberry pie. You all know what I’m talking about: all sorts of sour and then suddenly sweet? In between all of the acorn and wild mushroom eating, coloring with lipstick, pulling her poop out of her diaper, and the screaming of “Mine” or “No Mama,” there have been hugs, kisses, I love yous, and big smiles. In between bringing home thong underwear from the baby sitter’s laundry (and wearing it as a necklace) and putting little boys in headlocks, there has been singing and dancing and celebrating like never before.  Sometimes there are moments where I hit my knees and beg God for help. There are moments when I question how I’m going to make it through parenting this kiddo whose baby sitter says she’s never seen a kid quite like Charli.

In those moments where things get silent and I listen for God’s voice in the wind, His response is always the same. You see, He chose her for me, and He chose me for her – All of the times that I prayed for a child, I was praying for her. Whenever I worry that I’m not equipped to parent this strong willed nut case, I remember that this season won’t last forever. Eventually she will stop eating random pieces of nature she finds, but that she will also soon stop saying “beep beep” for excuse me, “Yes deez” for yes please, and “See ya soon!” after every bye bye. The next season will bring even further challenges but even more blessings. God both knew what He was doing, and showed His sense of humor when He gave me Charli. I am forever grateful.

Thanks for stopping by on this Womanly Wednesday! I hope you’ll stick around to explore a little more.  Enter your email address HERE to get posts like this one sent straight to your inbox, or click any of the social media buttons below to follow Sobremesa Stories and get other updates!