I don’t have five fun thoughts or stories with pictures for this week because if I’m being honest, it kind of rocked our world. On Monday I headed back to work to teach a friend’s maternity leave for 6-7 weeks. I teach German at four different middle school buildings, traveling from school to school throughout the day. Caleb is staying with my sister-in-law so Jordan drops him off in the mornings (bright and early around 7) and I pick him up in the afternoons. The arrangements really couldn’t be better but man…we are only a week in and I already feel SO frazzled! How do you working moms do it?
The teaching part has been great. Getting back in the classroom felt like getting back on a bike and I pretty quickly fell into the habits, little phrases, and other things that I used to do when I taught Spanish. My students have been great overall, the lesson plans the teacher gave me are detailed and fun (thanks, Pam!) and I have a feeling the teaching piece of this will be pretty doable.
I think what’s been hard about this week is I’ve just felt so flustered and overwhelmed trying to keep all the plates spinning outside of work. I’m used to waking up and having a slow morning with Caleb, kissing my husband goodbye, and spending the next hour or so playing with Caleb as we get ready and start the day. Mornings now feel like this crazy dance to get showered, get ready, get Caleb up and ready, make sure we all have everything we need for the day, and head out the door (WHEW!). I know that we’ll get in the hang of a routine more soon but this week we just felt so all over the place.
Adding to that, when I do get home after working all day and picking up Caleb, I just feel wiped. I’ve been on my feet all day and standing to make dinner is exhausting, especially when my boy misses his mama and just wants attention and snuggles (which are not easy to give while attempting to chop or cook things). Our house is a disaster since Caleb’s favorite pastime is pulling everything out of every drawer and cabinet, and the mess makes me feel even more out of sorts.
I’ve found myself counting down the minutes until bedtime, even though those precious few hours are the only time I get with Caleb now. And when bedtime does finally roll around, we both just crash on the couch until it’s a reasonable enough hour to crawl into bed (that’s any time after 9 in our house).
I’m sure all you working moms are nodding your head saying, “Yup, we’ve known this all along!” and I have so much respect for you. Maybe this will get easier as we get used to it and find our rhythm, but for now, it just feels like a lot. I feel like the self that I’m able to give to my son and my husband isn’t my best, most loving one, and I don’t want that to be the case the majority of the time.
So if you think about us this week, shoot up some random prayers that we find our groove, that we get some rest, that we learn to love each other and our little one in the midst of this new routine that feels anything but restful. We are so grateful that I was able to stay home and grateful for this opportunity to earn some extra money, but it doesn’t make the transition to this new routine any easier!
Balance is so hard! Even though I only work outside the home two and a half days a week, I find it difficult to relax and enjoy my SAHM days because there is so much that doesn’t get done the rest of the week and I want to keep those other plates spinning as you said. You are amazing! Keep it up!
Amberly recently posted…“Do You Want to Have a Cleaning Party for Date Night?!”
That’s so true! I also feel like I cherish my weekend days so much now since we get to just go slow and enjoy that time together. Thanks for the encouragement, Amberly! 🙂
Lauren recently posted…How My Fears About Motherhood Panned Out: A One Year Reflection
I don’t know how 9-5 m-f working parents do it. I work three days a week but two of those are evenings. I’m still frazzled but slow mornings make up for the chaos. I’m glad the actual classroom work is clicking in and it’s nice that your SIL is watching Caleb. I assume he loves playing with his cousins.
Catherine Short recently posted…Weekend Links / / Survey Results
Seriously! I think I would enjoy working part-time so much more but I know that would still be tough. And yes, Caleb loves being with my sister in law! He is always smiling and playing when I get there, which is good for my mama heart to see.
Lauren recently posted…How My Fears About Motherhood Panned Out: A One Year Reflection
Way to go, Lauren! You are doing a great job, and I’m over here cheering you on. Those students and your family are lucky to have you! I know it’s zero percent my business but as a fellow mom and teacher I’m just curious–are you going back to teaching next year?
Julie Hood recently posted…Our Next Adventure (And Why I’m Not Eating Lunchmeat)
Thanks, Julie 🙂 I appreciate that! As of now, I’m not. I don’t know that I’m ready to go back full-time now or ever, to be honest. I think if I did go back I might like teaching ESL and potentially working with adults or college students instead of middle school/high school. I liked teaching Spanish but I didn’t love it, and I don’t know that it’s worth it to me to go back and go through all the craziness for a job I don’t LOVE! So for now I’m not going back and we shall see what the future holds!
Lauren recently posted…How My Fears About Motherhood Panned Out: A One Year Reflection
You’re doing GREAT, friend! Give yourself heaps of grace — this is so new. I’ve been working since Selah was three months, so in a way, this is just motherhood as I know it. If that routine were disrupted for me, it would be a huge adjustment. You’re adjusting to a change in motherhood as YOU know it, so definitely be kind to yourself in the process. You will figure out routines and what needs to slide. I promise it will become easier!
My heart aches for you when you say you’re not giving the best of yourself to Jordan and Caleb. I know that feeling, and that might very well be true in this first week or two. But don’t beat yourself up over this. Can I encourage you to examine that idea? You may not be giving your most energized self to them, or your previous self to them, but think about which self you’re giving them now. What does this period of working do for you? How does it fill you up? What do you bring home in yourself that’s different from before? The after-work exhaustion is hard, hard, hard — the nights you described are super similar to ours. But I try to comfort in knowing that I bring home a woman who, though tired, is filled up from using my gifts for God’s work and enjoyed self-care at lunchtime.
As usual, I wrote you a book of a comment! I hope it doesn’t come off as preachy. I think you’re doing a wonderful job. Learn what you can from this experience, and leave behind the rest.
Brittany L. Bergman recently posted…7 Ways I Live Simply with a Toddler
I always love your novel comments! You are so thoughtful and I appreciate that. I love your heart to see women do the things they are passionate about so their kids can watch them live out their gifts. I think what’s hard is that I don’t love and feel super passionate about teaching. It’s more something I’m doing right now to make a little extra income. I’m toying around with the idea of going back and getting my certification in ESL and potentially doing that part time with older students (like college or adults) but I just don’t have a huge desire to go back to what I was doing. So I suppose the exhaustion and busyness don’t feel as worth it to me because the job isn’t a fulfilling thing that I love and we are able to make it work with me staying home most of the time.
All that being said, I love that idea of doing things that fill me up and use my gifts and hope that we’ll continue to find a good balance with that in the years to come! But even this week or two back is reminding me that I don’t have a huge desire to spend the majority of my days with middle schoolers. 😉
Lauren recently posted…How My Fears About Motherhood Panned Out: A One Year Reflection
Nice post! I like the way you write your blog.
I just wrote about this today (I hadn’t even realized you were back to work yet- I was just scrolling through all the posts I’ve been missing on Bloglovin and saw this!). I’m loving my few months being a (mostly) SAHM! I never had these slow mornings and it is SO nice to have so much time with Jackson, especially now that he is SO much fun! I’m not looking forward to such a busy year coming up. I would get home from work and be on the go when I was staying with my parents, especially when Jon had already moved to Charleston, and I’d be SO TIRED and still have bottles to wash after he went to bed at 7pm, dinner to eat of my own, and to pump again. It was exhausting. Could you sub next year? I was just wondering if you were going back to work next year too and saw the comment above. My SIL was a teacher before and subs now, and she likes it. She said it’s nice not to grade or to do lesson plans, and just basically go in to work when she wants to.
Liz recently posted…SAHM vs Working Mom (for me)