Sobremesa Stories

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How Motherhood Is Changing My View Of Christmas

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In years past, I’ve put a lot of pressure on myself to make Christmas feel meaningful. I’ve done Advent devotionals, read through different versions of the Christmas story, and tried to make myself feel all sorts of things about this beautiful story that changed our world forever.  Despite all my best efforts, most of the time I just got caught up in the busyness and said a quick prayer of thanks before jumping into time with family and friends.

But this year? Christmas has been rocking my world.

This baby growing in me is a miracle, but that is not what has been on my heart this Christmas.  More than anything, the thought that keeps coming to my mind this Christmas season is the reality of what always precedes new life: the pain of the stretching.

Motherhood is radically changing how I understand the meaning of Christmas. Read this post to find out how!

This pregnancy has started to fly by, each day bringing us one step closer to meeting the little man who will make us parents and break our hearts into a million pieces.  Each day we wait, praying that our little one is safe and healthy, praying over his heart and his future.  We marvel as my body stretches, laugh as his kicks jolt my belly, and listen with wonder at his tiny heartbeat in the doctor’s office.

If I’m being honest, I also feel myself starting to look ahead.  Before we can meet this man, I will have to do one of the hardest and most beautiful things I will ever do: surrender to the pain and the stretching of labor, opening up my body and my heart to bring this new life into the world.

A Labor Of Love

As I think about the delivery of our little one, I think about Mary.  I listen to this song below by Andrew Peterson called “Labor of Love,” a song that has never failed to make me cry as I imagine what it took to bring Jesus into the world (just a warning, if you’re like me you’ll need to get out the tissues when you listen to this one).

It was not a silent night
There was blood on the ground
You could hear a woman cry
In the alleyways that night
On the streets of David’s town

And the stable was not clean
And the cobblestones were cold
And little Mary full of grace
With the tears upon her face
Had no mother’s hand to hold

It was a labor of pain
It was a cold sky above
But for the girl on the ground in the dark
With every beat of her beautiful heart
It was a labor of love

I think of Mary on the floor of that stable, her husband by her side as she too walked boldly and bravely into the new world of motherhood, unaware of what would come next but trusting fully that God would provide abundantly for her as He always had.

I think of my own fears, how I fear the pain that will come with bringing this new life into the world.  I think about how deeply I long for God’s grace in this season where I feel so unprepared and afraid, how deeply I long to cling to Him in these months of growing these souls (mine and my son’s) and all the years of birthing and stretching and growing that will follow them.

The Pain Always Precedes The Joy

If there’s one thing Christmas has been teaching me in this year where we eagerly await the arrival of our first son, it is that the stretching and the pain always precede the joy. Before there can be joy, before there can be wholeness and healing and the fulfillment of everything we long for, there is always a season of waiting. There is always a season of Advent, a season where hope feels distant and our bodies and hearts feel stretched as God carves space in us for the new life He is creating.

That carving out of space takes sacrifice.  It hurts dreadfully to see the things we once filled ourself with be thrown away as God hollows us and makes room for His new life.  But in that stretching, in that holy hollowing of our bodies and our hearts, He creates something new in us.

The pain of the stretching, the hurt in the hollowing, these things are necessary if we ever want to see and feel that new life grow in us. I’ve seen this in every aspect of my life, from my marriage to my faith to this new journey of motherhood I’m beginning.  Before there can be new life, our hearts and bodies must stretch to create a space where that new life can grow.

How Motherhood Is Changing My View Of Christmas Sobremesa Stories Blog

As Christmas draws near and the birth of our son follows shortly in the months beyond it, I will be clinging to those truths.  This journey of becoming a mother is scary and new for me, just like it was for Mary.  But in Mary’s willingness to let her life and her heart magnify the Lord, something beautiful and world-changing arose.  In her surrendering of her body to God’s purposes and plan, the world took one step closer to being as God had always intended it to be.

Because that little baby born onto the cold ground as his mother cried? That little baby is God’s answer to our prayers for hope and wholeness and peace.  He is the One who offers healing for our broken bodies and our broken hearts, rest for our souls so tired of the striving and the aching and the pain. I believe with all my heart that He is the only thing that will fulfill our longings and give us the wholeness we so desperately desire.

Yes, I am scared of the pain, scared of the labor that it will take to bring my son out of my body and into our world, but I know that the pain is part of my story.  It’s one small way that God is carving out space in me for Himself, so that I can be full of Him, full of His joy and His wholeness and peace, full of His life.

Like Mary, I am trusting wholeheartedly that God will use this holy hollowing to accomplish His purposes and draw the world into His deep heart.

In the pain and the fear and the stretching, may my soul magnify the One who holds me, the One who heals me, the One who saves me.  May my soul rejoice in God my savior, the One who has filled my hungry, longing heart with great things.  And when the pain rolls in and the hollowing begins, may I too be full of grace, knowing that all pain and all joy are part of His greater story.

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Blame the hormones if you want, but there’s one part of Christmas that has had me all over the place these last few…

Posted by Sobremesa Stories on Monday, December 14, 2015

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Comments

  2. Beautiful post! The stretching doesn’t feel all that comfortable, but what is received in return is definitely worth the pain. I’ve learned that the more I lean into Him, the more I am stretched. It’s hard to get comfortable because there is always an area which needs refining. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
    Latonya recently posted…F is for FaithMy Profile

  4. I feel this so deeply. I remember two years ago, sitting on a chair for our live nativity, pregnant for the first time, and crying because I could just imagine the pain and joy she was feeling when she gave birth–and my kid isn’t even the Savior of all. This is beautifully written, Lauren, and I promise it’s totally worth it. You are so right. I can’t wait to see you become a mother.
    Lauren Jane recently posted…Sexual Abuse for Children and ChristmastimeMy Profile

  5. This is such a great way to think about Christmas, Lauren! I too am thinking about Christmas differently this year in that I have been living away from home the past several months. I have developed stronger love and appreciation for the ones close to me and plan to cherish the time I have with them over the holiday
    Amanda recently posted…Why This Christmas is so Special to MeMy Profile

  6. I love this so much and am definitely right there with you. Though I’m not due until May, I have been thinking about these things a lot, too, but you’ve just put it in much more beautiful words than I probably could have. 🙂 God is going to do amazing things through us and our sons, and I am so excited to see that come to fruition. Praying for you and grateful for you!
    Maegan Dockery recently posted…Baby D’s Gender RevealMy Profile

  8. Very poetic post! But honestly… Labor isn’t anywhere NEAR as bad as you’re fearing! Not even close. And if it is for you, there’s an epidural just around the corner! In all seriousness though, motherhood changes how you think about EVERYTHING! Just wait until you actually become a mom and experience it. It’s amazing!
    Paige @ An Uncomplicated Life Blog recently posted…A Helpful Gaget For NewbornsMy Profile

  11. Everything about this post is beautiful! Motherhood has made this time of the year a bit different for me too. Every time we see a Nativity and I’m telling my boys the story of Jesus’ birth, I’m completely moved to tears! You are an amazing mommy already and your little boy is blessed with your love!
    Erin recently posted…Ways to Get into the Holiday Spirit as a FamilyMy Profile

  14. Awesome read Lauren 🙂

    I wanted to share this verse with you. Even though I’m not expecting, I too worry about the pain of childbirth and experiencing something I’ve never experienced before. You paint such a beautiful picture in your words. As I was reading, I thought of this verse and I wanted to share it! I hope you find comfort in this as I have.

    John 16:21 KJV-“A woman when she is in travail hath sorrow, because her hour is come: but as soon as she is delivered of the child, she remembereth no more the anguish, for joy that a man is born into the world.”

    I am so excited for you and Jordan- and I’m praying for you and your beautiful growing family.

  19. What a beautiful post and reflection about your beautiful growing baby during this Advent season. It’s crazy how much being pregnant and being a mother changes your views on every part of your life. I love the part about how pain precedes joy – how true this is in so many facets of life and how worth it it is when you’re doing it in the name of family.
    Lindsay recently posted…December Fashion ChallengeMy Profile