Welcome to this week’s Womanly Wednesday! This week, we have the honor of hearing from my friend Chandler of Life As A Larsen. She’s opening up and sharing about what it’s looked like to wrestle with body image over the years and I love her honesty about a side of this issue we don’t usually hear about. This post is a great complement to Maegan’s post from a few weeks back about her weight loss journey and body image struggles, so make sure to check that one out too!
“You’re so tiny!” “I wish I could be as skinny as you are.” “Do you ever eat?”
These are the type of questions/comments I hear every single day; and let me tell you it gets old. I know they are compliments but to me they are just a reminder or how much I need to be aware of my size and health.
I never realized how much my body size and type affected other people until I was about 12 years old. My stepmom was upset that I didn’t finish my dinner but I just wasn’t hungry and didn’t want to feel sick from overeating. She pointed out that so many people ask her if I have an eating disorder and voiced their concerns because I was so thin and never ate. As a 12 year I barely knew what an eating disorder was or even cared what my stepmom’s friends thought of me; but then more and more people kept asking me.
In high school my peers would jokingly ask me if I had anything to eat or would always point out how thin I was and how they could see my bones. At this point it was more of an annoyance and felt I needed to be more aware of what I wore to avoid my spine sticking out of my back. But still not a huge concern yet.
In college I was part of student government and decided to participate in one of the big pageants. It looked fun, a lot of my friends were doing it, and it would be something to check off my bucket list. When I reviewed my score sheet with my pageant director the notes indicated that I didn’t make the top 4 because they didn’t want someone to represent the school and community who looked unhealthy. I was shocked and embarrassed. Some people who didn’t know me did not think I would be a good representation just because I was thin.
I tried everything I could to gain weight and muscle. Working out, eating junk food, asking my doctor for advice – nothing was working. My doctor even told me that he didn’t want me to stop drinking too much soda because he didn’t want me to lose weight. I went on to work at a residential treatment center for teenage girls who were dealing with anxiety, depression, drug/alcohol abuse, and eating disorders. I learned that some of the girls would count my calorie intake and watch my behavior and were concerned about having a staff with health problems being an example to the students.
My “perfect” body was my biggest insecurity. Instead of enjoying my body for being thin, tall, healthy, etc. I was constantly worried about gaining 10 extra pounds or what other people thought of me that I had to make lifestyle adjustments.
I would make sure to eat most of my food when at restaurants or big groups of people and wait at least an hour before using the bathroom after I ate. I wear slightly baggy clothes so that I look a little bigger than I am and practice posing for pictures so I know what angles make me look bigger. I even got blood work done to see if there were any abnormalities in my thyroid or anything just so I could have an explanation; but nothing came from it.
My family and close friends know that I love food and eat a lot but for those who weren’t close with me I always wondered what they were thinking. I started voicing my concerns to those close to me and eventually realized that as long as I knew that I was healthy and trying that was all that mattered. The people closest to me know about my concerns and insecurities and don’t judge me or make sarcastic comments about my size.
Over time their support and comfort helped me be more comfortable in my own skin. I still take a couple precautions like waiting to use the restroom after I eat, pose for pictures a certain way, and I wear slightly baggy clothes (they’re just so comfy!) but I don’t feel as insecure. Knowing that I have the support of my friends and family along with trusting them with my insecurities and concerns goes such a long way. Opening up to them was terrifying and embarrassing but their love and concern really helped me be comfortable and confident enough to deal with my body.
I still struggle with gaining weight and the daily comments but I know that I am healthy and loved. I know it seems strange to be insecure about having a slender body but always being accused of having an eating disorder is a lot of pressure. I’m so grateful that I am surrounded by such amazing people and a wonderful husband that is patient and understanding. I strongly encourage anyone with any insecurity to surround themselves with an amazing support group that you feel comfortable opening up to.
Chandler Larsen blogs over at Life as a Larsen. She is happily married, a full time psychology student, and a full time employee for a regional airline. She loves Netflix, the outdoors, photography, and cheddar sour cream Ruffles! She believes in honesty, sticking up for what she believe in, and living life with no regrets. Check out her Facebook or Instagram to stay in touch and get to know her better!
Thanks for sharing your story! I’m grateful that though I’m thin, no one has ever responded to me like that, I’ve never felt like I need to take an precautions or hide my thinness. As my husband says, all one has to do is take one look at my grandma and her brothers, all in their mid-70s, and my dad and his brothers, in their 40s, to know my entire family comes by their thinness naturally!
Rachel G recently posted…The War of Misery
Thanks for reading! I always tease my family because I don’t look anything like them. Everyone has brown hair and brown eyes and my parents aren’t stick thin like me so I always joke that I was switched at the hospital when in reality I just got all the “good” genes from my grandparents 😉
-Chandler
Chandler recently posted…5 Fool Proof Holiday Treats
This is a great story. Thank you for sharing. I guess I’ve always received the opposite situation so I never really thought about how tough it could be for the flip side of the coin.
I’m glad you’re in a good place now and have an amazing support group.
Alanna @ Alanna & Company recently posted…Humpday Confessions | A 70 Degree December
I think that the struggle with body image is that society perceives the “perfect” body as thin, toned, tan, and smooth. But body image can vary in so many ways! From weight, to skin, to hair, to perception. Even though we may not fully understand what someone is going through we can still understand the emotion behind it like anxiety and stress.
-Chandler
Chandler recently posted…5 Fool Proof Holiday Treats
It’s so ironic that though people know that they shouldn’t talk about weight to someone who is overweight, they feel no shame in calling out someone who is thin. My husband, who is a triathlete and eats a lot, is also very thin and deals with this a lot (though I suspect not as much as a woman). It’s nobody’s business even when it comes disguised as a complement or as concern.
Debbie @ Coach Debbie Runs recently posted…The Year-End Review: 4 Tips to prepare your blog for 2016
Wonderful post! Thank you for being vulnerable with us, Chandler! I think sometimes we forget about the women who struggle to gain weight and get labeled “anorexic” or “bulimic” or “too skinny.” Everyone’s body is their own business, not others. <3
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I completely agree! Like I mentioned in my comment to Alanna body image is so much more than being overweight. Labeling others can quickly become a deep seeded issue and cause more problems than necessary. We never truly know what is going on with someone so ask sincerely or stop comparing and move on.
-Chandler
Chandler recently posted…5 Fool Proof Holiday Treats
Thanks for sharing! This is a perspective on body insecurities that you don’t often hear about, but I’ve had friends who are naturally really thin so I’ve heard about it from them.
Crystal // Dreams, etc. recently posted…Little One’s Adventures // Dreaming of a White Christmas
My mother struggled for years with comments like that; even after five kids she would lose weight quickly and stay small. She did have some health issues due to not being able to gain enough or stay at a “healthy” weight but she would become so frustrated when others commented on how she should “just eat”…she ate non-stop! When I got sick, so many people assumed it was a learned behavior because my mom’s weight and I was always like “no dude, she can eat you out of house and home…{
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I can totally relate! Those closest to me know that I eat every couple of hours and am always hungry but most people always just tell me to eat more but it’s not that easy. It doesn’t feel good to overeat and it doesn’t really help me gain weight! So as long as I eat healthy and when I’m hungry I think I’ll be alright.
Chandler recently posted…5 Fool Proof Holiday Treats
SO many thoughts! 1) I think you look healthy and fantastic! 2) I’m right there with you. I’m 5’10 and around 125 pounds. I have been this size since the 6th grade. I’m a long distance runner and yoga teacher, mom and blogger. It drives me absolutely bonkers that people think it’s ok to comment on my weight and what I eat! “What’s your secret – what diet are you constantly on?!” Is what I get a lot from other moms. I’m not! I don’t diet, ever. I eat consistently healthy and workout 6 days a week – because I enjoy doing both of those things!
I just cannot wrap my mind around the fact why it’s ok to belittle thin women “as a compliment” and if we were to respond with, “OMG, you’re gaining weight, why don’t you diet!” or “Holy cow, those thighs are huge! Why are you wearing those yoga pants!?” we’d be major jerks. Both comments are jerky. Let’s just knock it off. Thin shaming is NOT a compliment – you’re just making us uncomfortable!
Paige @ An Uncomplicated Life Blog recently posted…Currently December 16 Edition
You totally nailed it on the head!! Society has us believing that the ideal body is one that is thin but it’s not! Too me it’s just a healthy body so you can enjoy life more. I exercise and make sure to have a balanced diet so that I know that I am healthy even if I may (at times) look “too thin”. Thanks so much for sharing 🙂
Chandler | Life as a Larsen
Chandler recently posted…5 Fool Proof Holiday Treats
Chandler I went through the same exact situation you are going through now. I was always skinny and everyone told me. Twig arms and legs, you name it. But I was healthy! I ate anything and everything I wanted but it just didn’t stick. When I got pregnant with my first son I was 86 lbs. After having two kids, my metabolism has slowed down and I’ve filled out a bit (still have the twig arms though).
Please don’t let other people’s comments upset you – either they are jealous or really don’t have a filter. You are a beautiful healthy woman – embrace it!
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Thanks so much for your sweet words 🙂 I know now that as long as I am healthy and taking care of myself that is all that truly matters. I want to live a long healthy life and I’ll do it with my twig arms and legs 😉
Chandler | Life as a Larsen
Chandler recently posted…5 Fool Proof Holiday Treats
This is something that I’d never thought about before! It would be so frustrating to have to be conscious of your behavior (like eating all your food and waiting to use the bathroom) so people didn’t suspect anything, even though you knew you didn’t have a problem. I think people don’t realize that even though their ideal is to be skinny, naturally skinny people wish they could gain weight!
Amberly recently posted…Happy Holidays! See You in 2016!
YES! I think all the time that if I could just gain 10-15 pounds I would feel better about it but in reality 1) I have been trying for years and can’t gain 10 pounds and 2) it won’t change anything. Unless I tack on a TON of weight people will always perceive me as that super skinny girl. But like I said before as long as I have a healthy diet I’ll be happy 🙂
Chandler | Life as a Larsen
Chandler recently posted…5 Fool Proof Holiday Treats
This is such a great story Chandler! And I think a good reminder that no number on the scale goes without insecurities.
I’m really slight, my momma is tiny and my dad is stick thin, so I kinda got the mix of the “good” genes and have never really fit into my family either. I try to gently remind friends and loved ones that saying “too skinny” is a lot more like “too fat” than people often think. But I’m so glad you focused on your own health and had your family’s support! 🙂
And I would love to go out and get a glass of wine + cheese plate + pizza + burger with you any day!
Kelsey
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Pizza?! I’m so in! I’d love that 🙂
I’m glad to see there are other people out there who can really understand my side. Thanks for sharing Kelsey!
Chandler recently posted…5 Fool Proof Holiday Treats
I feel your pain, sister! At 5’2″ I’ve never weighed over 100 pounds and have spent the majority of my life being picked on for being so petite. I’ve never set out to lose weight; I’ve definitely tried to gain weight through working out, eating high protein diets and the most that I’ve gained was 3-4 pounds here and there. I get stressed and can drop 10 pounds, no problem. At my wedding I overheard a couple of guests talking about how I should have chosen a dress that covered my spine—whatever. All that should matter is that we’re healthy and take care of ourselves. Thank you for sharing!
Haha this is so true!! My weight usually fluxuates a few pounds once in a while but if I go a whole day without eating I’m screwed! I’m sure you looked beautiful on your wedding day 🙂
Chandler recently posted…5 Fool Proof Holiday Treats
My best friend struggled with needing to gain weight as well so I know it is important not to make assumptions! She definitely was not unhealthy in her habits, her body just didn’t hold the weight!
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Chandler, thank you SO much for being brave enough to cover this topic! Being called too skinny has been something I’ve struggled with my entire life, and to this day I am still self-conscious about how bony and thin I am!! I get comments all the time. Like you, I’ve tried all sorts of ways to gain weight (although I’ve never been super dedicated in the gym, haha), but it honestly is just how everyone in my family is built. Tall and very thin. This culminated with a friend in college laughing about how I “looked like a Holocaust victim” in just a typical childhood photo (which was an uncaring, blunt bullying move, whether or not she “meant” it that way)…and that comment has stuck with me ever since. I’m so glad you posted on this topic…and I’m glad I came across it today! Thanks! I’m definitely going to head on over to check out your blog! 🙂
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