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3 Truths That Are Helping Me To Love My Pregnant Body

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Since I was a lanky and insecure 13 year old standing in front of the mirror and watching my friends compare themselves to each other, I’ve seen ONE issue that it seems like women from every age and stage can struggle with: body image.  It seems like no girl is safe from the fear of being too skinny, too fat, too much, or somehow not enough when it comes to their physical appearance.

I’ll be honest…body image has never been one of my biggest struggles.  I’ve walked side by side with friends as they wrestled deeply with insecurities about their weight and appearance, but my deepest insecurities have pretty much always been tied to my personality.  As a gifted “smart kid” who grew up a bit nerdy, I always feared that I wasn’t fun enough, outgoing enough, or funny enough for my peers to like me.  Body image wasn’t really on my radar, even after college and as I gained a few pounds in the years post college.

And then I got pregnant.

Body Shaming And Comparison In Pregnancy

5 weeks pregnant

Body Image In Pregnancy

For the first time, I started thinking pretty frequently about the shape of my body and how much weight I was gaining or not gaining.  When I was in the second and third month of pregnancy and pretty much just bloated all the time, I was embarrassed that my stomach was somehow “too big” for how far along I was (even though let’s be real, it was 90% gas and the fact that pregnancy basically shuts down your digestive system).

I was horribly nauseous up until about 16 weeks and the only thing that could take the edge off the nausea was food, so I snacked pretty frequently.  As much as I tried to eat healthy, my upset stomach and weird new preferences made choosing healthy snacks a challenge.  So when I went in for my first real checkup at about 13 weeks pregnant, I had already gained 5 pounds.

Granted, 5 pounds is not all that much in the grand scheme of things.  But guys, when the doctor suggested that I need to be “choosy” with what I eat in the second trimester since I had already gained the maximum recommended for the first trimester, it took everything in me to not burst into tears or punch him in the face.  My mind spun with feelings of shame and insecurity for days afterward and I feared that I was doing something wrong.

When I posted a baby bump picture a few weeks back, I remember someone commenting that they were just a week behind me but really weren’t showing at all yet.  I know the heart was absolutely just to connect and compliment me and not to hurt at all, but my immediate reaction was to feel like I was gaining too much weight, my baby bump was too big, and I was apparently doing this whole pregnancy thing wrong and was just a hot mess in absolutely everything (oh pregnancy hormones, how I love thee).

At a few points in this pregnancy, I’ve felt little moments of shame, little moments where a quick comment or thought about my weight, my baby bump, and my rapidly changing body made me feel like there was something wrong with me.

Wrestling With Comparison and Shame

In my rational moments, I know that the changes my body is experiencing are normal and necessary.  I am partnering with God in the incredible process of growing a tiny human being, and my body and my heart will bear the marks of this growth for the rest of my life.

But in those moments of shame, it’s so hard to remember that truth.  I compare myself to other women and think that my baby bump is too big or too small and I should be doing something differently.  I catch a glimpse of my face in the mirror and see all the little spots where hormonal acne is popping up and wish I could magically make them disappear.  I see the places on my body that already bear the fiery red stretch marks that show how quickly I’m growing, and my heart sinks that I’ll never look the same as I did before I was pregnant.

In my deepest heart, I know without a doubt that these things are worth it, that holding my sweet baby boy in my arms will be worth all the changes to my body.  But in the in between moments until that day comes, I’ve wrestled with comparison and shame as I try to learn to love my pregnant body.

The Truths In The Midst Of the Shame

In the midst of those struggles with shame and comparison, there are three things I’m clinging to.  These truths are helping to remind me that there’s no one right way to nourish and create life, and that the changes in my body are just one tiny glimpse of all the ways becoming a mama will change my heart and my soul forever.

1) There isn’t one right way for a body to grow while pregnant.

When I’m tempted to compare myself to other adorable pregnant mamas, I try to remind myself that every woman will experience pregnancy differently (like I shared in this post about how pregnancy has at times felt underwhelming).  Yes, it is SO important to eat healthy foods that nourish baby and keep us growing at a healthy rate.  But our bodies as women are so different even before we get pregnant, and expecting every woman’s body to fit a certain timeline or mold is ridiculous.  I’m trying to focus on the miracle that this belly of mine holds, instead of focusing on the shape my belly’s taking, and trust that as long as I’m eating (relatively) healthy, staying active, and doing all I can to keep this baby strong, my body is doing exactly what it needs to be doing.  And you know what? Sometimes the healthiest decision I can make for my body and heart is to say yes to that bowl of ice cream.

2) Our bodies are doing something MIRACULOUS.

When I see the stretch marks and wonder about what my body will look like postpartum, I try to shift my focus outward and upward and remember one simple truth: my body is doing something absolutely AMAZING right now.  The stretch marks on my chest mean that this body of mine is preparing to nourish and feed a tiny human being.  The heaviness in my belly means that my body is miraculously providing nutrients, warmth, and safety to this little person as he grows inside me.  This process is life-altering and breathtaking and absolutely incredible, and the fact that my body will never be the same after doing such a thing is completely understandable.  No, my body will not look the same after I have expanded to grow this little boy, but I truly believe that the stretching is worth the miracle.

3) There is joy in the stretching and the pain.

I’m trying to take captive the thoughts of comparison and shame and replace them with thoughts of JOY.  With each new shirt that doesn’t fit and each new mark that shows my growth, I am one step closer to holding my little one in my arms.  Whether I gain 25 pounds, 50 pounds, or 100 pounds doesn’t matter because ultimately, I am gaining something I feel incredibly blessed to have: a little soul and a little body that hold my DNA, my hopes, and my heart.  There is deep, deep joy in that and I know that joy will be worth the pain and discomfort of the stretching.  I want to view each new growth and symptom through the lens of that joy, even as I vulnerably share and process the negative emotions that might accompany it (because like I shared in this post, I truly believe the only way to find freedom from our shame is to share it).

Finding Freedom And Joy In the Stretching

My sweet friends, let’s move past the shame and comparison that come with our growing bodies and cling to the truths of what’s actually going on in these bellies of ours.  We are partnering with God in creating life, and it is one of the most beautiful and significant things our bodies will ever do.  Yes, our bodies will change permanently in that process.  But maybe the marks we mamas will bear are signs of the art we’ve created, of the life we are molding with our bodies and our hearts as we grow and birth these sweet babies.

There is joy and freedom in the stretching and I hope that we will loosen our grip on body image, comparison, and shame for long enough to let God fill our hands with that joy.

These three truths can help set you free from body shaming and comparison in pregnancy so you can learn to love your new pregnant body!

 

 

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Comments

  1. Your 21 week pic is so Duchess Kate!! You look fantastic. I definitely relate to that sinking feeling that you’ll never look the same. I didn’t particularly like my body before pregnancy, so it’s not that I’m sad I’ll never look “that good” again, it’s just a loss of the familiar. I just love your heart and your outlook in this post!
    Katie {Always, Katie} recently posted…Twin Hallowen Costumes – Salt and Pepper ShakersMy Profile

  3. First, you and your bump look absolutely adorable! And second, I so love this post and how you are focusing on the miracle that pregnancy is. It can be scary to see your body change so fast, but it is for the best cause! And to be honest, four kids later, I don’t really remember exactly how my body looked pre-kids, so that helps me with not comparing my post-children body so much. It’s different after babies, but the contrast isn’t as sharp as it could be. Thank goodness for fuzzy memories. 😉
    Callie recently posted…What I Never Knew About Being A Working MomMy Profile

    • Thanks, Callie! It really is such an amazing thing. I’ve loved following along with (aka stalking) your pregnancies via your blog and I love how you share about this journey too! I agree..I think once my life is more consumed with loving on and taking care of little ones, some of these struggles will fade a little bit. Thanks for your sweet and encouraging comment!
      Lauren recently posted…Womanly Wednesday: A Guest Post On Serial Dating And LonelinessMy Profile

  4. Awe, it breaks my heart to see other pregnant women compare themselves and their bodies! I think the benefit of having babies “older” in life, like I have, is that I’m 100% comfortable in my skin. I’ve never compared what someone else’s bump looks like next to mine. Why? They’re not me and I’m not them! I will tell you (heads up!) body image gets MUCH harder after you deliver the baby when you’re hormonal, tired, stretched out and dying to fit back into your prebaby clothes. The best thing you can do is eat reasonably and exercise as much as possible and get as many helping hands as you can for those first extremely challenging few months of the baby’s life!
    Paige @ An Uncomplicated Life Blog recently posted…Maintaining Your Sense of Style as a MomMy Profile

  5. I have a good friend who is probably one of the healthiest/in-shape people I know and she gained 80 lbs. with each of her kids. It’s really rough when you’re pregnant, but eventually, if you work for it, you’ll lose the weight and get back to a place where you’re happy with your body.

    My first trimester the only thing I could keep down was Taco Bell, so don’t worry too much about not eating super healthy! You eat what you can and in the end things will be ok!
    Rebekah recently posted…How to take your blog to the next levelMy Profile

  6. I LOVE your bump 🙂 I’m fortunate to never have had body image issues either and have been completely okay with my changing body. I think if I was insecure about any aspect of the changing body, it’d be AFTER the baby is delivered. Will my body ever go back? Or even close to it? Are my boobs going to turn into tiny pancakes after this? (Not that I ever show my boobs off much, but you know, I’m used to them how they are!) I am showing slower than others for sure. At 22 weeks, I definitely look pregnant, but I definitely have a “small” bump. But I think it’s so fun having my belly grow! I’m always taking pictures of it and making my husband look at it and touch it cause it’s just so weird to have a belly and have a BABY in it. I actually kind of wish my bump was bigger than it is because I like being pregnant and want to have fun with it. Definitely try not to get down on yourself if you’re growing faster than others (and surely you’re growing slower than others too- but when you feel insecure, those probably aren’t the people you notice). It has so much to do with how your uterus sits in your body too. Nobody ever grows the same. I hope you come to love that bump of yours and how you look, because you look FANTASTIC! I think you’re growing that baby beautifully 🙂
    Liz recently posted…Healthy Living SurveyMy Profile

    • Aww thanks, Liz! I’ve heard from several women that it’s actually harder after baby comes. I think I will wrestle with that a lot too! I agree with you though, it’s been really fun to feel more pregnant and show off my bump now that I’m a little further along. Every woman is different and every bump is beautiful. 🙂 Thanks for your sweet words, Liz! Excited for you and your little one!
      Lauren recently posted…Womanly Wednesday: A Guest Post On Serial Dating And LonelinessMy Profile

  7. Ahhh Lauren. Thank you for being honest about this. I always wonder what those changes feel like, so thank you for being so transparent. It really is amazing to see how women’s bodies adapt to grow a child! Those changes are so foreign (at least with the first pregnancy) and I have yet to experience it. My friends are experiencing many of these feelings too and I know they’ll so appreciate this post – sharing with them now! Love the truths you are keeping in mind… they are SO true! (And you seriously look beautiful, by the way)
    Joy recently posted…Step In Time! | Mary Poppins & Burt | Couple CostumeMy Profile

  9. What an amazing journey, sweet friend. I have a lot of fears related to pregnancy (many of which you’ve named here). A mentor of mine shared with me that pregnancy is like the breaking of a body to create a new one– not unlike what Christ did for us. As you said, miraculous.

  10. I especially like your point #1. Everybody’s body is SO different and how you show and grow in pregnancy is dependent on so many different things. I think you look cute and perfectly pregnant! You definitely don’t look like you ate too many burritos for lunch or anything like that 😉 I think around 20-25 weeks was when I really started to feel cute pregnant. I was past the first trimester blahs, and I wasn’t sick anymore (I spent 5 weeks on my couch/in bed with respiratory infections) and I had the energy to get ready in the morning, plus, maternity clothes are comfortable and cute!
    Amberly recently posted…Help Me Help You + A GiveawayMy Profile

  12. This is so true! I feel like often I have body shamed myself before, during and after pregnancy. It is incredibly hard to not compare I find myself doing it a lot lately. But the most important thing like you said is there is no right or wrong way to look.

    You look beautiful and you are doing one of the most incredible things a human body can do, be proud of that 🙂

    liz @ sundays with sophie
    Liz Jo recently posted…keeping up with the jonesesMy Profile

  13. While I’m not pregnant, I can absolutely relate to the comparison game- something I’m really struggling with right now. I’ve always struggled with this and lately, it’s been really bad, so I completely related to this post. Thanks for being so honest and sharing your heart and photos with us! It’s great to see vulnerability when this is a tough issue for so many women.

  15. I can definitely relate to this. My body changed significantly during pregnancy, and now, two years later, it hasn’t been the same. It’s easy to fall into the pit falls of comparison. I did it as soon as my daughter was born. I had it in my head that by magic, I would fit into my old clothes again and my body would bounce right back into its normal self, much like my friends did after their pregnancy. It didn’t, and it took me a a long while to realize that.

    Parenting, I’ve discovered, is a new world. The normal we once craved for is long gone. Instead we’ll live in this new normal–where a tiny person’s survival solely depends on us. It’s scary to think at first, but totally worth the realization. Body image, in this new world, is one of the first and most hardest things we’ll grapple with. But I’m here to tell ya it’s conquerable. Because you’re right the pay-off is much more.

    One of my friends said it best. In the midst of me whining about my clothes not fitting and gaining too much weight, she mater-of-factly said, “Of course your clothes don’t fit! of course your body is different–you housed a HUMAN in there. Your body has never done that before, so don’t expect it to go back to what it was, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing…”

    Nope…not a bad thing indeed. Thank you for another thoughtful and honest post, Lauren. Hang in there and eat whatever you damn well please, so long as you and baby are healthy. Weight comes off, but your baby’s health needs a sturdy foundation 🙂
    Maria recently posted…What My Daughter Won’t Remember about her ChildhoodMy Profile

    • I’ve heard from so many women that the season after having the baby can be even harder for all these reasons you describe! I’m glad to hear that in advance. You’re so right…body image is just one of the many new ways I’ll grow and be challenged in becoming a mom, and I have to remember over and over that the growing this person is amazing and miraculous and of course my body will change as a result! Thank you for your sweet words and thoughtful, genuine comment, Maria. I’m so glad to have met you via the blogging world!
      Lauren recently posted…Womanly Wednesday: A Guest Post On Serial Dating And LonelinessMy Profile

  16. Girl you look so adorable!! Im pretty sure I ate more fast food in the first trimester than I have eaten in my entire life…it was all that sounded good. Keep embracing pregnancy. You look beautiful. But it is hard!
    Katie @thebrooksielife recently posted…Baby #2 UpdateMy Profile

  17. Thank you. I really needed to read this today. I was standing in front of the mirror just a few hours ago complaining to my husband about how I hate my stretch marks. I only gained 13 lbs during my pregnancy and gained it slowly so I didn’t think the stretch marks would be that bad…but I was wrong. My husband keeps telling me I’m beautiful and that he doesn’t care about the marks. I just wish it was that easy to tell myself that.

    • Kelley, I’m so glad you connected with this! I’ve stood in front of the mirror and had those exact same thoughts. Stretch marks are part of our genes and there’s really nothing we can do to stop them! I don’t have them on my belly yet but I have them other places (sorry if that’s TMI but it’s real life!). I’m trying to view them as my battle scars and just one more piece of evidence that I am becoming something new – a mom! Thanks for your honest comment!
      Lauren recently posted…Womanly Wednesday: A Guest Post On Serial Dating And LonelinessMy Profile

  19. Thank you for sharing this, Lauren. I’ll definitely be keeping this post in the back of my mind for the future, because I have the feeling that I will feel this exact same way. You look beautiful!

  20. I needed this article today. Even though it’s my second pregnancy, I find myself in tears some days because I am just SO large compared to the first and where everyone else seems to be. I’m 20 weeks today and I honestly am already as round as I was at 30 weeks. Add the extra work with more kids now and I feel like I am huge most days. This is a nice little reminder that this body isn’t mine right now and I need to calm myself because no matter how it grows or where it grows…it’s a wonderful gift:)
    Lauren Jane recently posted…October Recap, November Goals!My Profile

  22. Girl, I would have punched that doctor in the face. Really. You look beautiful! Don’t we all struggle with body image in one way or another? I certainly have. When I was heavier I felt like life would be perfect when I was thinner. And now that I am thin I wish I had muscles. Ha! It is a vicious cycle if we don’t fight it. You are beautiful, lovely, and just exactly as you should be, mama. Hang in there!
    Bethany Lotulelei recently posted…Why We Gave Up TVMy Profile

  23. This post definitely resonates with me! I’m 25 weeks pregnant and have two friends who’s due dates are within a week of mine. Not one of our pregnancy’s are the same. All three of us gained weight differently, are carrying differently, have had different symptoms, etc. Being the one who has had the biggest baby bump, I’ve had to intentionally remind myself that each pregnancy is different, and that as long as Baby and I are healthy, that’s all that matters. This miracle of creation happening RIGHT NOW inside of me has been one of the biggest blessings, and even though some days I can’t figure out what outfit I don’t look like a whale in (my opinion), I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Thanks for sharing!

  27. I love this so much! I feel like I get used to my pregnant body and then a few weeks later I go through a growth spurt and start thinking all the negative thoughts again. I have to admit that it has been easier than usual to give my body grace in this season because of all the beautiful growth it’s doing . . . and I’m a little afraid of how I’ll react to my “new mom” body. You know, when it’s all floppy and weird and doesn’t have a baby in it anymore. I will have to learn to appreciate that it’s stretched and weird for a really great reason. 🙂
    Brittany Bergman recently posted…Practicing What I Preach + A Blogging Maternity LeaveMy Profile

    • I’ve had a lot of those same fears…I think all the insecurities will be very magnified when I’ve had the baby and want things to be back to “normal” (even though things will never be “normal” again). I just need to focus on the WHY of my new body instead of the numbers or look!

  28. Thank you for this post! We are about the same weeks along I believe and we are showing about the same! It is comforting to know someone is going through the same struggles as me. I think my biggest issue is when people say “you’ll get right back to where you were… fast after baby is born.” It seems to put more pressure on me and almost sets and expectation of how I will look post pregnancy. I just wish people wouldn’t say anything sometimes. We are halfway there! I can’t wait to see what the next 20ish weeks bring.

    • I’m so glad you can relate! I’ve had that same fear too. I think a lot of these issues will be magnified a ton once baby’s here and I expect to go back to my “normal” self, even though that normal will be a completely new normal. We can do this!! 🙂

  29. Your baby pump is adorable! I didn’t realize that people aren’t really supposed to gain weight during their first trimester so that was surprising to me. My friend that is very petite also began showing very early. Everyone is so different with how they wear pregnancy!
    Autumn recently posted…meeting my Finnish penpal | part 2My Profile

  31. It is definitely hard to watch your body change during pregnancy, as some commenters said, it’s even harder to embrace after pregnancy. But don’t be too hard on yourself. I popped out instantly with all 3 of my babies and there wasn’t anything I could about it. My bump was always bigger than others in the beginning. Some people just pop quicker. I also was able to shrink back down much faster than others so it’s all relative. Enjoy your bump and take lots of pictures! You’ll cherish them later!!
    Ana (@ANAWINSblog) recently posted…How to Make a Chore Chart Your Child Will Want to UseMy Profile