Womanly Wednesday: A Guest Post On Weakness And Worth

Thanks for stopping by for this week’s Womanly Wednesday Guest Post! Today’s post is by the lovely Kelsie of Currently, Kelsie.  I met Kelsie through Young Life here in KC, and it’s crazy how many things we have in common.  She’s a teacher and Young Life leader who loves and leads her students well, she got married around the same time my hubby and I did, she recently jumped into the blogging world too, and she is wise, funny, and a wonderful writer.  I hope you’ll check out her blog to read more of her thoughts or her Facebook page for more blog updates! 

God has poured out blessing after blessing into my life: I’ve got an amazing husband, a job I love, a beautiful home, a marriage firmly rooted in faith, and wonderful family and friends. Seriously folks, by the looks of my life I should be floating on cloud nine. But, when we look closer, there’s always something more. There’s that pit in our stomachs. That ugly feeling, that face that looks back in the mirror and scares the heck out of us. That sin condition. And I’ve been struggling with that a lot lately, specifically in the area of comparison and jealousy.  It’s not easy to look at your heart and see an area of struggle and brokenness repetitively eating at you. It’s not easy to open up and be vulnerable about areas of our lives that we aren’t so proud of.  But it’s challenging and healthy. So here I go.

I’ve always been a pretty competitive person. If there was a game to win, a person to beat, or something to be the best at- that was my goal. I had to be valedictorian, the three-sport athlete, in the choir, funny, and have lots of friends. I had to. There’s nothing wrong with having a drive to succeed or do our absolute best. God has definitely blessed us all with unique gifts that bring glory to Him when we put them to good use. But there is something wrong when it spirals out of control and clouds our hearts with envy. When it robs my happiness for others and moves the focus to what I should be doing differently to be better, or makes me worry about changing something I literally have no control over. God has been breaking me down and showing me that I’m constantly pressuring myself to be the best, fueled by comparison that leads me to regret, which then steals my joy.

For instance: Our wedding day was the most wonderful, rainy, joyful day. I married the love of my life, and my brother was even released from the hospital in time to make it (long story). It was perfect. But fast-forward about a month and you know what I was associating with our wedding? Regret. Not about my marriage or the man I picked (thankfully, I got that part waaaay right). Nope, I was dealing with regret that we didn’t get any outdoor pictures together. Or that we didn’t sing my sorority’s wedding song. It sounds ridiculous, but somewhere in the back of my mind every wedding I attended and every gorgeous photo album I stalked on Facebook stole just a little bit of my heart as I longed for the chance to “redo” a few things. I wanted those beautiful things they had. It distracted me from the beauty of the moment, from my happiness for my friends, and from the simple fact that our wedding was wonderful but our marriage is what I can actually work on. Not something that happened in the past.  But this problem doesn’t just involve the past. It’s also the now, and the things to come. God has been gently making me more aware of these ugly feelings that I don’t want and can’t seem to shake.

Comparison is the thief of joy. It steals our happiness, and robs us from enjoying the little moments and events that God’s blessed us with. Just because God blesses others with something doesn’t mean he has any less left to bless me with.  Worrying about something in our wedding, or wishing we had done some small thing differently, doesn’t make a difference. It doesn’t bring joy to my heart, or truth and love to those around me. Instead, it brings deep sorrow, pain, regret, and the sense that somehow I’m not as good anymore. That this somehow brings down my worth as a person or wife. No one ever told me this. It’s just my irrational woman brain wrapping itself up in crazy and spitting me out, feeling a little less valuable.

I think it’s probably true for many women: we feel so so much pressure to be the most amazing superwomen. We’ve got to be the best wife, mother, home decorator, listener, hostess, blogger, best looking, the list goes on and on. And you know what? We will never be all of these things. We can’t. And we don’t have to be. Because if I’m trying to be all of these things, you know who I’m not being? Myself. Who God wants me to be. Who he’s designed me to be. The woman with flaws and regrets who he looks at and says- “You. You’re worth it. Despite all of your imperfection. I will work through you in spite of all these things. “

When I find myself trying to be superwoman, to have everything figured out and to be the best, I remember this one simple verse: “’My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.’” 2 Corinthians 12:9. God uses even the lowliest to do His good. He works through the youngest, and the smallest- those with lisps and anger and an inclination to sin. And you know what he does? He uses them for His purpose. For His good. God can use me, a competitive, selfish, sometimes envious soul to do exactly what he wants me to. He can continue to renew and refine me as He helps me overcome my ugly moments. And I don’t have to be ashamed of my weakness, because it only shows just how much I need him. That I can’t do it alone.

Because the truth is that my worth will NEVER be found in how great my wedding was, how pretty my house is, or what size jeans I fit into. Honestly, it won’t even depend on how great my marriage is or looks to others. It will, instead, be forever united to my relationship with the Lord and the way I live for him. Because He thinks I’m worth it, just as I am, a work in progress. And there’s nothing I have to be “the best at” to earn His love. That, friends, is amazing grace.

Currently,
Kelsie

You can check out more by Kelsie at her blog, Currently, Kelsie, or on her blog’s Facebook page.  I hope you’ll stick around to explore a little more.  Enter your email address HERE to get posts like this one sent straight to your inbox, or click any of the social media buttons below to follow Sobremesa Stories and get other updates!