Sobremesa Stories

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Wrestling With The Fear Of Miscarriage

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When Jordan and I found out we were pregnant this summer, it felt completely surreal (You can read more about the journey here!).  I took the positive pregnancy test at 4:00 AM before we headed to the airport for a 10 day trip to Mexico and California, so the whole thing felt like a blur.  I wanted to be excited about the pregnancy and all the possibilities within it, but more than anything, I just felt fear.

I feared that the THREE positive pregnancy tests I took were somehow a mistake, that I’d somehow made it all up and the doctor would tell us we were wrong.  I feared that there was something wrong with the baby and it wouldn’t implant correctly or grow correctly or do just about anything the way it was supposed to.  I was scared my body would somehow not be able to grow and carry this way the way it was designed to and the baby wouldn’t make it.  Even though I’m young, healthy, and have no previous miscarriages or medical issues that would make my pregnancy particularly high risk, I worried that something would go wrong.

There was joy and excitement and dreaming about our little one, but more than anything, I was so, so afraid.

Positive Pregnancy Test

As many pregnant mamas can probably attest, I found myself checking for blood every time I used the bathroom (sorry if that’s graphic, but if you’ve been there, I know you can relate).  I did some panicked, unhealthy googling any time I felt a cramp or stretching pain in my tummy and was certain every gas pain or new feeling was a sign that something was wrong.  In those six weeks before we had the first ultrasound that confirmed our little one was growing healthy and strong, my fear just about overwhelmed my joy.

The Reasons For The Fear

While I don’t know that there’s one thing at the root of all this fear, I think part of it is that we’ve seen so many friends wrestle with the grief of losing their sweet angel babies, of feeling a womb once full of life emptied and hollowed.  Last year, two friends that we love dearly lost their baby around 10 weeks.  The year before that, a girl who’s like an older sister to me lost her baby around the same time.  When I was 9 weeks pregnant, my sweet sister-in-law lost her little one unexpectedly at 18 weeks along.

There are no words for the grief of this, for the loss of a life and all the hopes and potential held in that no longer beating heart.  We saw our friends grieve and we grieved with them, our hearts breaking for this loss we just couldn’t understand.

So when we took that first pregnancy test, we knew that there was the potential for both incredible joy and incredible sorrow.  We knew that in partnering with God in the creating of life, we might also walk with Him through the loss of it.  And without thinking about it, we began to do what we called “managing our expectations.”

The Fear Of Miscarriage

We made little comments and jokes about my being pregnant but hesitated to really dream about what this might look like for our family.  We laughed as I started to experience the earliest pregnancy symptoms (like my digestive system holding up the white flag of surrender and pretty much ceasing to function), but didn’t let ourselves think about things like baby registries, nurseries, or the amazing reality that a tiny human, a tiny SOUL was growing inside of me with each passing day.

We limited our joy and our excitement about our pregnancy in an attempt to protect ourselves from the sorrow we might experience if we lost it. 

The Pros and Cons Of Managing Our Expectations

In some ways, I do think that managing our expectations can be healthy.  Moving slowly into the mindset of pregnancy gave us the space to process this new shift in our reality, to think about the fact that the small changes in my body were signs of a new child of God growing, instead of just dreaming of cute cribs and little onesies.

Managing our expectations also helps us to embrace the reality that surrounds us.  We live in a broken world where our bodies ache and the hearts of little ones stop beating and nothing is as we long for it to be.  We know that heartache is always a possibility, and living as if it’s not doesn’t protect us from the fact that no one is invincible.   The hard reality of our world is that ultimately, we can’t always protect the ones we love from sickness or pain or even death, and I never want to forget that.

But at the same time, as we started to process the quiet fear at the heart of our “managing,” I started to wonder if we were missing out on something.  Maybe this managing wasn’t as much an attempt to have a healthy perspective on reality as an attempt to protect ourselves from future pain.   If I didn’t let my heart grow too attached to this baby, if I didn’t let my mind and imagination dream of all the things God might do in the life of this little one, then I wouldn’t feel so deeply the pain and grief that would surely accompany the loss of his or her life.  If I limited my joy, maybe I could limit my future sorrow.  

Finding Grace In The Midst Of Fear

Now that we have passed the twelve week mark and everything seems to be healthy (so many prayers for that, folks), I’m a little sad to look back on those first six weeks before our ultrasound.  I know that God has all the grace in the world for the fear of miscarriage (like my lovely, wise friend Brittany points out in this post about her own pregnancy), but I wonder if I missed out on time that could have been sweet with my Father, with my husband, and with my little one.

Wrestling With The Fear of Miscarriage In The First 12 Weeks - Sonogram

Our little bean at our 9.5 week ultrasound!

The God I follow is one of grace, a God who longs not only to hold our tears but to delight in our joys, to share our excitement about the wonder and joy of His creation.   I wonder if in my attempt to limit my excitement and potential pain about this pregnancy, I missed out on the chance to share with God my joy and gratitude for the amazing gift He has given me.  He’s allowing me to partner with Him in the creation of life, in the molding and forming of a soul He already loves so dearly, and that is an amazing gift.

I wonder if in my fear,  I missed out on the chance to trust God that He is always good, that even if we lose this baby He will walk with us even there.  I wonder if I missed out on six weeks of scary and sweet time with God and my husband as we vulnerably placed our desires for our family at His feet, trusting him wholeheartedly to provide for us in His goodness and His good timing (even if that goodness meant bringing our baby to Him much earlier than we would long for).  Like I described in my post on the things I’m scared to ask God for, I wonder if my fear kept me from real, honest intimacy with God.

Learning To Trust In The Midst Of Fear

I hate that there are so many of you who have lost babies, both during pregnancy and after it.  I hate that the grief for those angel babies is a part of who you are, is hidden inside your heart even as you rock the little ones whom you were able to birth and hold and grow.   I can only imagine that the fear for you all is much, much greater and deeper than the fear I’m experiencing now, and my heart breaks for that.

But until the day when our aching bodies are healed, when our broken world is redeemed and death is no more, I want to cling to the hope that God can be good even in the midst of that pain.  I want to cling to His promises that He is big enough to hold both our joy and our pain, and that even if my worst fears come true and all is lost, it will be well with my heart and my soul.

As I move forward in this pregnancy, I want to present both my fears and my joys to God, trusting that my attempts to limit my joy and protect my heart just move me further away from the only one who can actually give me hope and comfort.  I want to open my heart to fully love the little one growing inside me, even if opening my heart to that love also means opening my heart to the potential of loss.

Wrestling With The Fear of Miscarriage In The First 12 Weeks - Sonogram

As the great C.S. Lewis said, “to love at all is to be vulnerable,” and the only way to protect our hearts from pain is to also protect them from joy.  I long to be a woman who trusts wholeheartedly in the God who is big enough to hold my joy and my sorrow, my excitement and my pain, my deep love and my deep grief.

And if my worst fears come to pass and I lose this baby like so many of you have lost yours, I want to cry and grieve fully, leaning into the comfort of Jesus and the hearts and stories of all the women who have walked this road before me.  But until that time actually comes, I will cling to the hope that God is always good, that He is worth trusting and His never-ending, overwhelming grace is enough.  I will squeal and dance and sing my joy about the life inside me, because it is good and He is good, no matter what happens.

May we find grace in the midst of the goodness and the grief, my sweet friends.

Mamas of living little ones and angel babies, mamas-to-be or women who never want to have kids, how do you wrestle with fear and grief in the midst of this process? Is there anything that’s helped you to overcome the fear and trust that ultimately it’s out of your hands? I’d love for you to share in the comments below so we can start a conversation about what it looks like to trust in the midst of this process.  

Wrestling With The Fear Of Miscarriage Sobremesa Stories Blog

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I’m linking back to this post at Imparting Grace, Embracing His Will, A Life In Balance, Purposeful Faith, A Fresh Start On A Budget, What Joy Is Mine, The Beauty In His Grip, Strangers And Pilgrims On Earth, Soul Survival, Me Coffee and Jesus, Women With Intention, A Little R & R, A Wise Woman Builds Her Home, Coffee For Your Heart,Serving Joyfully, 3D Lessons 4 Life, The Deliberate Mom, Dance With Jesus,Missional Women, Busy Being Blessed, Live Free Thursdays, Whole Hearted Wednesdays, Thriving Thursdays, Christian Mommy Bloggers, Still Saturdays, Tuesday Talk, and Modest Mondays.

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Comments

  1. I have known the joy of pregnancies & deliveries, and the sorrow of a miscarriage. Both are very real & strong emotions. May we come to rest in the truth that our God is with is in all things. May His hand stay upon your little, growing this life strong & healthy & perfectly. Blessings!
    Joanne Viola recently posted…Hold Fast to GodMy Profile

  2. This is a beautiful post. I’ve experienced the joy of delivering two healthy babies, and the heartache of losing one at 12 weeks. As my husband and I think about conceiving again (our last pregnancy is the one that ended in miscarriage) the strongest emotion I feel is fear. I know it’ll be a daily struggle to find peace and joy and to not let that fear choke out everything else. I’m so happy you’re now in the “safe” zone. The best thing you can do from here is not look back, but enjoy every minute of being pregnant and of the time you and your husband have as a family of two.
    Abby recently posted…bacon, egg, and cheese potato wafflesMy Profile

    • Abby that is SO hard…I’m sure there is so much fear, especially since that last miscarriage was so close to the end of the first trimester when you were maybe starting to feel safe. I’ll definitely be thinking of and praying for y’all! Thanks for your sweet words and advice!

  3. Such a beautiful post. I especially liked this “As the great C.S. Lewis said, “to love at all is to be vulnerable,” and the only way to protect our hearts from pain is to also protect them from joy. I long to be a woman who trusts wholeheartedly in the God who is big enough to hold my joy and my sorrow, my excitement and my pain, my deep love and my deep grief.” YES! Me too! May God bless us so!
    Mari-Anna recently posted…Note to Self: I Am God’s BelovedMy Profile

  4. Oh my, this is good. I wish you had been around when I was carrying my girls decades ago. You would have been an encouraging companion …

    I know you’re going to bless others even as you make your own very personal journey, lovely lady.

    Blessings in these upcoming months!

    And hugs, too …
    Linda Stoll recently posted…A Dog Days Month DigestMy Profile

  5. Oh Lauren, everything about this is so good. I feel like you reached right into my heart and pulled out all the words and emotions. I loved this: “So when we took that first pregnancy test, we knew that there was the potential for both incredible joy and incredible sorrow. We knew that in partnering with God in the creating of life, we might also walk with Him through the loss of it. And without thinking about it, we began to do what we called “managing our expectations.”” This is exactly how I felt, and I kept telling myself that I’d stop managing my expectations at the first ultrasound . . . and then when I heard the heartbeat . . . and then when I was officially in the 2nd trimester. The fear is so hard to shake, but I can honestly say that God walked me through every second of it. In those 13 weeks, I prayed some of my deepest and most desperate prayers (and I have a feeling there are more to come!), and in that, I felt the loving protection of God. Not protection in that everything would go “right” but that whatever happened, I’d be okay. Also, YEP to checking for blood every time I went to the bathroom and taking tons of pregnancy tests — just to make sure I was still pregnant and not going crazy. 🙂 Love you, sweet friend. Praying health and blessings over you and this little life! Also, maybe it’s the hormones, but seeing your tiny baby in the ultrasound picture brought on major waterworks!
    Brittany Bergman recently posted…Savoring Life’s Simple PleasuresMy Profile

    • Yes, I can totally see how the managing expecations could stay even after those things! Even after our first ultrasound I still felt some fear, especially when my sister in law lost her baby at 18 weeks just two weeks ago. Such a reminder that we are so out of control with all this – all we can do is trust that God is working and will be with us no matter what! Thanks for your sweet words! Haha and I love that picture of our little gummy bear baby. I can’t wait to see a more updated picture at our next sonogram in a few weeks!

  6. I love this because i know I will probably feelthe same way the first time I see a positive pregnancy test. I’m a worrier by nature but I’m happy to see I’m not alone. Thank you so much for sharing such a personal part of your life!
    Emilie recently posted…My Wedding Day LookMy Profile

    • Thanks, Emilie. I hope you’re able to find some hope and peace in the midst of the worrying too! Thanks for reading and commenting!

  7. I know the feeling of being terrified of a miscarriage. It feels like you are being ‘cautiously optimistic’. I felt like I didn’t want to get my hopes up too much, just in case something did go wrong. Maybe then it wouldn’t hurt as bad? Not true. I did miscarry and it still killed me. I learned to just to happy when it did happen and hope for the best 🙂 Thanks for the post!

    • I’m so sorry to hear you lost your little one, Lisa. Thank you for sharing your story and your perspective! I’m definitely trying to remember that no matter what happens in the future, the life inside me is worth celebrating now!

  8. I’ve never experienced miscarriage, but know many that have and my heart aches anytime I hear of it. I think your quote by C.S. Lewis sums up motherhood perfectly. I think loving Jonah puts me in the most vulnerable position of my life. There is always some sort of fear in having a child, and it doesn’t get better as they get older. My best advice for you is to keep doing what you’re doing. Put your insecurities out there. Chances are someone else has felt the same way. Mothers need to stick together. That’s the only way we will make it in this life.

    • I know, it makes my heart ache for all the women who’ve experienced it too. So true…having a little one is like having your heart outside your body! And yes, I completely agree. Mamas need to share the good and the hard, the joys and the struggles, so we’ll know we’re not alone! Thanks for being such a faithful reader, Danielle. I’m grateful for you!
      Lauren recently posted…Our Front Room Makeover: A Long Overdue Reveal!My Profile

  9. Yes my darling Lauren – you are getting it, and I’m so thankful that you are sharing your fears and learnings with us! We must not let our fear of pain and sorrow keep us away from today’s joy, even if that is a very difficult thing to do. Faith is trust that God is with us now and forever through it all.

  11. Oh, Lauren. I know that when I am pregnant (far, far into the future) that I will worry too. However, if you constantly worry it takes away from the joy you should also be experiencing!! I’m praying for you guys and hope everything goes well (:
    Amanda @Blissful Gal recently posted…Why Change is a GOOD ThingMy Profile

  12. You have all my positive thoughts. I’ve been pregnant twice and each time I worried tirelessly about miscarriage. I worried when they didn’t move, I worried when they moved too much. It was never-ending. Don’t let the worry steal the awesome experience of your first pregnancy. You’ll be fine. I really appreciate you sharing your thoughts with us all 🙂
    Danielle recently posted…Mommy Motivation: The Importance of Liking Your KidsMy Profile

  13. Never google!! It will make you so scared of everything! I do not think there really is any way to take away the fear until your sweet baby is in your arms. I do not let myself think the worst thought or prepare for anything less. I will not live my pregnancy in fear and paranoia worrying about my baby!
    Hil recently posted…The Best Games You’re Not Playing Vol. 1My Profile

  14. I felt so much of this with both my pregnancies. I am naturally a worrier and have anxiety, and pregnancy seems to heighten though fears and worries. I also, unfortunately, know way too many woman that have experienced losses, so that makes it even harder. I wish I had some advice, but it seems as though you are finding your way. I hope your worries ease, and you have a wonderful remainder of your pregnancy.
    Shann Eva recently posted…Micro Preemie Monday and OliviaMy Profile

  16. I could have written this post myself. The first couple of weeks before our first ultrasound I was a nervous wreck. I kept taking pregnancy tests over and over, and would be scared it wasn’t real. I now have a healthy beautiful ten month old 🙂 Good luck with your pregnancy!
    Brittany recently posted…Texas Breakfast CasseroleMy Profile

    • I’m so glad that your sweet little one turned out healthy and beautiful! Congrats to you 🙂 Ha and I’m glad I’m not the only one who wrestled with that for a while. I’m hoping things will calm down as I get further along (but also know myself and know I’m just a worrier). I’m only three months in and already seeing how much being a mama shows me I’m not in control!
      Lauren recently posted…Our Front Room Makeover: A Long Overdue Reveal!My Profile

  18. Coming to you from Intentional Tuesday today —thanks for speaking on this sensitive topic so honestly and faithfully. A verse that comes to mind is that He knew you before He formed you in the womb….what’s unexpected to us is not to God. That helps me trust Him more fully in my fears, and I hope it does you, too! Blessings! I’ll be praying for you!

  19. This is so beautiful. Thank you for the honesty you share, Lauren! We haven’t started trying, but it’s around the corner and these thoughts already cross my mind. Not often, and it’s different because I don’t have a little one growing in me yet, but still – it worries me. The entire paragraph under the photo of your little 9.5 week “bean” (haha) speaks VOLUMES. I know I’ll be coming back to this post when my time comes and will feel so comforted…so thank you in advance. Blessings and prayers for continued health and joy!
    Joy recently posted…You’re busy…. and no one cares.My Profile

  21. First of all, congratulations! I love reading all of these comments and seeing that my fear during my first pregnancy was not unfounded. I, too, was kind of a mess during the first trimester, especially, and constantly worried about miscarrying. I was blessed to deliver and healthy little girl who is almost two! And she’s an absolute joy. Unfortunately, my second pregnancy ended in miscarriage. We are hoping to conceive another healthy pregnancy soon 🙂 While I really hope I never have to go through that loss again, strangely, I view it as a blessing because it taught me that the Lord will truly walk by my side through anything and everything. We really can do all things through Christ. So, going through that trial showed me that I could make it out the other side and still have hope and joy, and for that I am grateful.

    • I love your words…even though it was hard and you wouldn’t want to do it again, you’re able to see how God was present in the midst of your pain. Words like that remind me that He will be good and with me no matter what happens! praying for you and your husband as you keep “trying” to grow your family! Enjoy the process 😉
      Lauren recently posted…Our Front Room Makeover: A Long Overdue Reveal!My Profile

  22. I took three as well and was so worried that I was going to miscarry Sophie. I spent half my pregnancy worried, we didn’t even publicly reveal until I was well into the second trimester. Despite my blog showing that I had tracked at 13 weeks (they didn’t get published until we announced).

    I’m so excited for you on this new journey you’re embarking on.

    liz jo @ sundays with sophie
    Liz Joiner recently posted…six girlfriendsMy Profile

  23. Oh wow you spoke exactly how I feel! I’m 13 weeks and have the same fears. No previous history of miscarriage and I’ve had 4 babies. I would keep thinking, “Ok when I get my scan then I’ll feel “safe”” But then the lady says something that makes me worry during the scan. Ok I say to myself, “When I hear the babies heartbeat at my next midwife appointment then I’ll feel safe” But then she can’t get a strong heartbeat because mine is in the way even though we can here baby in the background although not at loud as I want it to be. At this point I just fall down and say I need to trust God in all of this. 🙂

    • Thank you for commenting! I love meeting other mamas about the same way along as me. I am right there with you with always looking toward the next scan to confirm everything’s okay and take away my fear. I agree…at some point, I’ll just have to release control and trust that God is in this and He is good, no matter what happens. If only it was easy!

      Wishing you all the best in your pregnancy and with all your littles! Sending some prayers your way!
      Lauren recently posted…Our Front Room Makeover: A Long Overdue Reveal!My Profile

  24. Visiting from Jennifer’s #TellHisStory link-up, so lovely to meet you through your words. I have two kids and three pregnancies. The middle one was lost to miscarriage. I think any time we compare, it leads to fear. Fear of not measuring up or not doing enough or fear of . . . . you can fill in the blank. For me, accepting that I am uniquely created, that God has me in mind, not someone else, makes all the difference in how I approach life. But I haven’t arrived, I’m always learning. Hopefully, it will be that way until I see Him face-to-face. I hope you can celebrate the wonder of creation living inside you. Your vulnerability is heart-felt here.
    Shelly Miller recently posted…Commuting InwardMy Profile

  25. He is enough to hold our Joy and Pain. So true!! I miscarried 5 years ago and it was not easy. I had to remember that my Savior was with me and that His plan was best. I ended becoming pregnant again shortly after. If I wouldn’t have miscarried, I would not have the darling 4 year old that I now have. So while I was sad for my loss, I am thankful (daily!) for the girl that I now have.

    Congrats by the way!! Blessings to you on your pregnancy.
    Emily recently posted…The Answer is More Time in Him: Putting God FirstMy Profile

  26. Sweet Lauren! My heart feels your heart! This fear you feel is what the enemy will use against you a million times over because you are now a Mommy. The love of a Mommy has been born in you and you are forever changed. You will worry and you will have fear. But you will pick up your armour each day as a child of God and warrior of those He gives you!It is a blessing that you have already called the enemy out on this. You will have a head start and know just what you need to do when you face all the fears that will come your way as a Mama!
    Much love and many blessings and smiles,
    Lori
    Lori Schumaker recently posted…Taking Time to Nurture Our MarriagesMy Profile

  27. Congratulations, first off! I just found out I’m pregnant with baby #3, and while I was the opposite: blurting it out immediately to everyone, I can completely understand the fear. I’ve spoken with friends who have lost, and they just can’t get excited in early pregnancy because they did once before…and they experienced the great loss. I feel like you aren’t at all alone in your feelings!

    • Congrats to you as well! 🙂 It’s a hard balance between being scared and also letting myself feel the joy and excitement. We told lots of people pretty early since we knew we’d probably share a miscarriage with people as well as the joy of a happy pregnancy and I’m glad we did! Thanks for your encouragement!
      Lauren recently posted…Our Front Room Makeover: A Long Overdue Reveal!My Profile

  28. Congrats on your growing family! I too held much fear in my heart for the first half of both of my pregnancies. Like you, I had no real basis for my worry, but I worried all the same. I think part of it is being aware of the absolute precious gift we’re given to grow and care for with little control over how it happens. Learning to let go and trust God’s plan is super important, but there’s nothing wrong with acknowledging the value of what you have and how careful we want to be to care for it!
    Steph recently posted…Ensure an Awesome Massage: 5 Things You Can DoMy Profile

    • Thanks, Steph! It’s so hard to trust and know that we’re out of control but I know it’s worth it. Wishing you all the best with your sweet littles!

  29. My husband and I are not trying for children yet, but I really connect with what you’re saying. When we were first married, I would get so anxious when my husband left for work. I couldn’t stop thinking of all the things that could go wrong–a car crash, an accident at the foundry. I would make myself almost sick. I still pray for him every morning that he’ll be safe, but I’m working hard not to let my fears overrun me. I think this could be something I would do during pregnancy… and motherhood. But I’m so glad you’re here to keep me aware and encouraged.
    Megan Gonzalez recently posted…Focus on Now: Enjoy Each MomentMy Profile

    • I have totally had those same thoughts. My husband cycles and it’s so hard for me knowing he’s out on the road and in danger sometimes. Both marriage and parenthood are teaching me so much about how out of control I am with pretty much everything 🙂

  30. Beautifully told. As I read your story, I realized there are many areas of life where we limit our expectations for fear of disappointment or pain. I’m certainly guilty of this. Not letting myself get attached, not getting too ‘involved’ in order to shield myself from what could be. You make such a clear point that we all need to hear! We don’t know what our outcomes will be, but we can lean fully on Jesus through grief as well as joy. Blessings!
    Kristine recently posted…The 2nd Best Thing We Can Do TodayMy Profile

    • Thanks, Kristine! So true…letting fear of pain overshadow our joy is easy to do in every area of life, not just pregnancy and parenting. Thank you for your sweet words and reminder that God is constant in the midst of it all!

  31. Thank you for this beautiful post. I am a momma to 8 children here on earth and 1 precious son who went straight from my womb to the arms of Jesus. I love what you said about God being big enough to hold our joy and our sorrow. I too have let my fear rob me of my joy. I am inspired by your courage to lean into both the joy and the pain and feel it all with Jesus by your side. I pray your pregnancy goes well and you are free to enjoy the miracle God has created within you.

  32. This is a beautiful post and so so similar to what I felt when I was pregnant with my 1st. She’s a healthy 5 year old now 🙂 Thank you so much for sharing it at MeetUp Monday. We’d love to have you link up again!
    Krista
    Krista recently posted…KindergartenMy Profile

    • Thanks, Krista! I love hearing stories of hope and encouragement from women who’ve been through the same thing. 🙂 So glad you have a sweet, healthy baby girl!

  33. Lauren, this is beautiful. When I was pregnant with my daughter, I went through a lot to not miscarry her. With my second I did miscarry, then I had the twins and 2 more pregnancies after that all with healthy beautiful babies. All I can say is pregnancy is emotional no matter what but God is there. (I love the C.S. Lewis quote, it is so true.) Enjoy your pregnancy, that sweet babe of yours is growing everyday- it seems to take forever but it goes by so fast.

    Thanks for sharing at Women With Intention Wednesdays 🙂
    Jenny @ Women With Intention recently posted…5 Things I Love & Goals For The WeekMy Profile

  34. I had a miscarriage almost exactly two years ago. It was by far the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through. Luckily, I got pregnant again 3 months later and carried my son to full term. He turns one later this month. The hardest part about being pregnant again after a miscarriage was that my husband didn’t want to get attached again in case we lot another baby. It made it really hard for me because he didn’t want to buy anything, or plan or tell anyone until 20 weeks (which is a realllllly long time). I think we missed out on a lot of the great excitement of pregnancy because of it. I know that a miscarriage can happen to anyone at anytime so I value pregnancy even more. What helped comfort me was that no matter what happened it was all a part of God’s plan for us. I tried to use my miscarriage to comfort others who had gone through the same thing and it helped me view it in a positive light. I know I would be devastated if it happened again, but I also know that I could get through it with God’s help.
    This is an amazing post! You are such a talented writer. I hope that your baby grows healthy and strong!