How We Protected Our Hearts In The First Weeks With A Newborn

As of this weekend, we have officially survived the first six weeks of being parents.  I had lots of people tell me the first six weeks are the hardest and if we could survive them, we might just make it through the next 18 years (or something like that).

Like I shared in this post about how motherhood challenges my perfectionist self, this new journey into motherhood has had its share of challenges.  But in all honesty, it hasn’t been as impossible as I thought it would be.  There were a few things we did to make those first 6 weeks more manageable and they made all the difference in our hearts and our transition into parenthood If you are having a baby sometime soon, I hope you’ll make these same decisions and give yourself the space to heal and process the new world of being a parent.

1) Saying “Yes” Over And Over

I think one reason we survived these first six weeks was we had so much support from our friends and family.  Jordan was off work from a week, my mom came and stayed for a week, my mother-in-law took a few days off work to come stay with me, my mom came again, friends brought dinner, and the list goes on and on.  Any time someone asked to come fold laundry or snuggle the baby while I napped, I said YES without hesitating.  Letting go of my pride and accepting help in those first few weeks made all the difference in my physical recovery from labor and my emotional transition into motherhood.

I loved having Grandma in town!

2) Learning To Say No

At the same time as we were saying yes to offers for help, we also said no.  We didn’t have a million hospital visitors in the first few hours so we could soak in the first hours with our son.  We took some time off from leading our small group and let other people step up and lead it (they did a phenomenal job by the way!).  We skipped church and some other activities for a few weeks because we knew we weren’t ready to figure out what those outings would look like with breastfeeding and other routines.  We said no to some things we love so that we could figure out this whole parenting thing and I’m so glad we did.  We are slowly easing back into our routine and it’s fun to see how our son fits into the different places and communities we are a part of.

I could spend hours sitting on the couch watching Grey’s Anatomy and looking at this sweet little face!

3) Asking For Advice And Suggestions

Oh my heavens, there are SO many things I didn’t know and still don’t know about parenting.  I’ve Googled quite a few things in the middle of the night while feeding little man, but I am also learning to ask my mama friends for help.  There are so many women who’ve done this before me and I want to lean on them for support.  I asked my own mom a million questions while she was here and admitting that I had no idea about half the things involved in parenting was so freeing.  Maybe my favorite example of this? My sweet mom friend Megan showed me how to lift Caleb’s legs and hips toward his torso in little bicycle kicks to help him relieve gas (he immediately tooted about 3 times when she did it) and this “fart lever” as we now call it is part of our daily routine.  Thanks, Megan! 😉

4) Taking Time For Ourselves

Soaking in those newborn snuggles is so important and I’m so glad we’re taking lots of time to do that.  But even with all the snuggles, I’m still me and still need some time to myself every once in a while!  In these first weeks I took lots of little moments for myself, even if it was just a quick 10 minute walk outside while hubby held baby or a short nap while friends or family snuggled the little man.  I didn’t feel guilty asking hubby to make me a banana chocolate milkshake (his amazing recipe!) while I breastfed or asking my mama to watch baby so husband and I could go on a much needed date night (see picture below – that piña colada may have been virgin but oh man was I a happy girl!).  Doing these things without feeling guilty made me a better mom and helped me to enjoy time with our son even more.

5) Crying, Crying, And Then Crying A Little More

Hormones, exhaustion, and taking care of a newborn’s round the clock needs is overwhelming.  I’ve had a few moments where I needed to just cry, as hard as that was to admit.  When I shared about some of the anxiety I was feeling in this Facebook post below, I was so overwhelmed by all the women who commented to encourage me and remind me that motherhood is meant to be hard, and the occasional cry is more than necessary.  I gave myself the space to be sad and overwhelmed and anxious without feeling shame for those things and that space helped me to keep moving forward.

6) Knowing There’s No RIGHT Way To Be A Mom

I’m quickly learning that as a mom, sometimes it feels like my choices have much more weight than they actually do.  Crazy parents, social media posts, and articles make it seem like if you make the wrong choice about what you feed your child, how and where they sleep, and a million other things, then your child will be ruined for life.  Like my sweet cousin and new-mom friend Kate messaged me early on, we’re all just doing the best we can and most of our kids turn out to be relatively normal, not messed-up human beings.  We’re trying to make choices about how we’ll care for our son without putting too much weight or pressure on them.  There’s no one right way to parent – there’s just loving your kid and making informed decisions to the best of your ability.

The first weeks with a baby are an overwhelming whirlwind of diapers, sleepless nights, and sweet baby snuggles.  By making these choices to protect our hearts, we gave ourselves much needed space to make the transition into parenthood.  I hope you will do the same!