Creating Our Marriage Mission Statement

“Marriage has the power to set the course of your life as a whole. If your marriage is strong, even if all the circumstances in your life around you are filled with trouble and weakness, it won’t matter. You will be able to move out into the world in strength.”

Tim Keller – Meaning of Marriage

When Jordan and I got married, we knew we weren’t signing up for a lifetime of romance and forever happiness.  We were lucky to have couples of all ages loving us, asking us hard questions, and speaking truth to us..  As we spent time with these people, one thing consistently stood out: these couples whose love had stood the test of time, tragedy, and trials of all sorts firmly believed that their marriages had a much bigger purpose than their “happiness.”  These people trusted that their marriage was something God would use to shape them, to draw them to Him, and to paint a picture to the world of His love, joy, and commitment.

Photo: Kenzie Kate Photography

After the chaos of the wedding faded and the daily realities of marriage began to sink in, we wanted to revisit the things we had admired in those married couples who had counseled and inspired us.  We decided to spend some time processing our dreams, values, and goals for our marriage, hoping that through writing out these thoughts, we could come up with a mission statement that summarized a bigger picture and purpose for our marriage.

We sat down together and started to brainstorm, focusing mainly on these questions:

• Ideally, how do we want to relate to each other? What action words, ideas, and concepts repeat as we describe what we want our marriage to look like?
• Who are some couple whose marriages we admire? What do we admire about them? How do we feel when we walk into their home or spend time with them and why do they make us feel that way?
• What things or ideals do we value in life in general? How do we want our marriage to express these values to each other and to other people?
• When other people walk into our home and sit around our table, how do we want them to feel? When they get into their car to drive away, what do we want them to say or think as they leave?

After processing through these questions for several days, we narrowed it down to three primary areas to focus on: our faith, our marriage, and our relationships with other people.  We played around with words and phrases that stood out to us until we could narrow it down to one key phrase that summarized a goal or value for each of those areas.  Since faith is a big part of who we are and our marriage, we also looked for a Bible verse to support the idea.

First, we focused on faith.  We desire our relationships with God to be central in everything we do.  We desire the truths of who God is and who He says we are to become part of our everyday realities, so that in any interaction with each other or with other people these truths and the joy they bring us are evident.   We narrowed all that down to this sentence:

Abide in Christ always, pursuing His will and His joy above all things. (John 15:4-5)

Custom Print by Three Letter Birds

Next, we looked at our own marriage.  More than anything, we desire for our marriage to be a place of safety and peace.  We long to feel at home with each other so we can laugh, play, cry, pray, and experience intimacy that is strong enough to overcome our fears, failures, and shame.  We want to be confident enough in who we are to admit our failures without letting them define us, apologize and ask for forgiveness, and then move on without bitterness and resentment.  This one was hard to summarize, but we came up with this:

 Love, serve, and forgive each other daily, no matter the cost. (1 Peter 4:8)

Custom Print by Three Letter Birds

Finally, we looked at how our faith and marriage would impact the people in our lives.  When people walk into our home, we want them to feel safe to be who they are, in all their broken, messy, unfinished glory.  We want them to walk into our home and feel like they are not alone in their struggles, doubts, and fears.  In our home, we want people to get a glimpse of God’s kingdom where all are welcome and brokenness is prized because it points to the One who heals the broken.

Invite others into our home, our hearts, and the fullness of life with Jesus. (1 Thessalonians 2:8)

Custom Print by Three Letter Birds

Going through the process of writing out our dreams and desires for our marriage gave us a sense of direction. It made us feel like the purpose of our marriage was more than figuring out the best system for who does the dishes or how to save the most money and buy the nicest home.  When I see these words hanging above our bed, I am reminded that ultimately, the little conflicts, frustrations, and hurts of our daily lives are part of a much bigger story that is being written in our lives each and every day.

There are many days we get caught up in the whirl of jobs and details and life, but looking back to our marriage mission statement helps us to zoom out and see our marriage with new eyes. Writing a mission statement like this could be useful for friendships, roommates, a family, a team, or any other relationship or group that needs a sense of vision and a reminder of their part in a bigger story. Jordan and I found the process below to be helpful, but as long as you can sit down and have vulnerable, honest conversation about your dreams for a relationship or team, you’re on the right track.

1. Think about couples, friends, or teams you admire and talk through the questions above. What values do you hold dear and how do you want your relationships to impact each other and those around you?
2. Play around with different phrases and sentences until you come up with a brief statement (or statements) that summarizes those values and desires
3. Figure out a way to post them where you’ll see them! I have no calligraphy skills whatsoever, so I had these prints handmade on Etsy as a one year anniversary present for the hubby. They are beautiful and meaningful, two of my favorite qualities for anything I place in my home!  (You can check out the Etsy shop I used here.  Jenny is great and will make your words into a piece of art!)

I hope that going through the process of writing a mission statement gives you a sense of purpose and direction like it had given us.  Our stories are so much bigger than the daily ups and downs, and writing a mission statement is a way to claim that truth.

Do you have a marriage,  relationship, or even just a personal mission statement? What dreams, values, or goals have you included or what ones would you include if you were to write one?

    

I’m linking back to this post at Imparting Grace, Embracing His Will, A Life In Balance, Purposeful Faith, A Fresh Start On A Budget, What Joy Is Mine, The Beauty In His Grip, Strangers And Pilgrims On Earth, Soul Survival, Me Coffee and Jesus, Women With Intention, A Little R & R, A Wise Woman Builds Her Home, Coffee For Your Heart,Serving Joyfully, 3D Lessons 4 Life, The Deliberate Mom, Dance With Jesus,Missional Women, Busy Being Blessed, Titus 2 Tuesdays, To Love, Honor, And Vacuum, Messy Marriage, and Modest Mondays.