25 Reflection Questions To Ask Your Spouse

There is no quicker way to my heart than a cheesy, deep question.  When we started dating, Jordan quickly discovered if he wanted to keep his girl happy, he just needed to ask question after question – especially ones that gave us a chance to talk about all the reasons we liked each other.  You know, cute, new relationship kind of stuff. 😉

Over the past few years, Jordan and I have started spending some time over Christmas break reflecting back on the last year and dreaming about our hopes for the years that lie ahead.  This time isn’t always super structured and usually happens over all-you-can-eat sushi in California or on chilly winter walks, but we love to reflect back on all that we shared that year.

The end of the year is a great time to sit down with your spouse and reflect on all that happened the last twelve months.  No pressure and no expectations, just a sweet time to reflect on the life you’re building together. If you love cheesy questions as much as I do but don’t know where to start, here are a few ideas. Find a kid-free and distraction-free hour or two, choose a few questions to focus on, and see where the conversation takes you!

Questions About Your Experiences That Year

These questions are our favorites because we love reliving all the fun and crazy moments that happened throughout the year.  Remember the inside jokes, the frustrating, unexpected obstacles that turned into great stories or growth moments, and all the ways you grew as friends and partners in adventure!

1. What places did we go this year? What were our favorite parts of those trips?
2. What were some of our favorite moments or experiences from this year?
3. What changed or stayed the same in our professional lives?
4. What big purchases or life steps did we make as a couple this year?
5. How did we grow or attempt to grow our family this year?

Questions About Your Marriage

These ones are a little deeper and might be worth reflecting on individually before discussing them together.

1. How did we grow as a couple this year – emotionally, spiritually, or physically?
2. What challenges or conflicts did we overcome and how did we grow as a result?
3. What did we learn about each other that we didn’t know before this year?
4. How did we fall more in love with each other this year?
5. What were some ways that we felt loved and appreciated by each other?

Questions About Your Relationships

We have a big heart for community and have found it really beneficial to spend time reflecting on how that played out in the last year.  I can’t count how many conversations we’ve had about our heart for our small group and our friends in various circles and we always come out of those conversations feeling excited about what God is doing.

1. What people played a big role in our lives this year? What was that role?
2. What did we do to serve and love the people in our community?
3. When did we feel loved and taken care of by the people in our community?
4. What specific relationships did we see face challenges or conflict and how did they grow as a result?
5. To what extent were we intentional in using our time, energy, and gifts to pour into the people in our community?

P.S. I wrote a similar post to this one a few months back with 25 questions to deepen your friendships. If you long for deep friendships like I do you should check it out!

Questions About Your Heart And Faith

If we’re not paying attention, it’s so easy to miss all the ways that God’s hand has been present throughout the year.  Questions that specifically ask us to reflect on where God was present can be powerful tools to open our eyes to all the ways He’s been working even when things have been hard.

1. What were some ways we felt challenged emotionally and spiritually this year?
2. How did we grow as a result of these challenges?
3. What did we learn about God and His character?
4. How did God provide for us this year?
5. What did God do this year to remind us of His love for us?

Questions About Your Hopes For The Future

This section’s a little easier because you can basically take every single question above and flip it into the future tense.  If the question was something about conflicts or challenges at work or in certain relationships, flip it around and ask how you want to see that change or grow in the future. If the question was about how God provided for a certain need or stretched us this year, ask how you pray He will provide for us in the coming year. Here are a  few examples:

1. What are some things we hope will happen this upcoming year – in our marriage, in our community, in faith, professionally, or otherwise?
2. How do we want to grow as a couple and what practical steps will we take to make those things happen?
3. How do we want to grow as members of our community and how do we want to see our relationships grow?
4. How do we hope to grow in our relationships with God and our understanding of Him?
5. What are we most nervous about or looking forward to as the new year gets closer?

Do you and your spouse take time to reflect on the past year and dream about what lies ahead? What are some of your favorite things to talk about or questions to ask?